Carolyn Hax: If your shiftless fiance won’t take out the trash, put him on the curb

[conuly]

Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: I love my fiance and until recently thought we had a wonderful partnership. We've lived together for eight years and he makes more money and works longer hours, so I do almost all the housework. He's not only kind and thoughtful but always seemed appreciative of the work I do around the house.

Recently I was hospitalized for two weeks. When I came home I found he had never once walked our dog — just let the poor thing out into our tiny yard, and he didn't clean up. The house was an absolute wreck, he didn't cook or clean anything, left pizza boxes stacked on the counter, and dirty laundry piled on the laundry room floor. I was still recovering and that was kind of a nightmare to come home to.

I asked him why he didn't do anything, and he said he's no good at that stuff and knew I'd want to do it "the right way" when I got back.

We moved in together right out of college so he's never taken care of a place by himself. I asked him if he wanted to learn, but he said he doesn't see a real problem with the shape the house was in. Would you consider this a big enough issue to delay our summer wedding?

— Still in Shock

Still in Shock: Uhhh, yes?

Yes, I would consider it a big enough issue that you’re looking at 100 percent housework for the rest of your life with this man and, worse, his utter comfort with your exerting yourself on your mutual behalf while he does nothing, believing . . . can you hear my print voice rising as I type? . . . it’s a favor to YOU that he does! Right out of your sickbed!

And the poor dog, suffering such neglect. Is it one of those dogs that likes the poop scooped in a certain way that your fiance just isn’t good at?

I was actually leaning sympathetic to the guy at the start, expecting him to have been under duress with you in the hospital and with maybe too much going on at work — and certainly that will stress a partner out significantly. It’s hard to do housework when you’re wearing a groove between your office and a loved one’s hospital room. But “he’s no good at that stuff and knew I’d want to do it ‘the right way’ when I got back”??? A person actually said that!? To a loved one who’s been sick?!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/carolyn-hax-if-your-shiftless-fiance-wont-take-out-the-trash-put-him-on-the-curb/2019/11/11/c44263a2-0264-11ea-8501-2a7123a38c58_story.html

Comments

[cynthia1960]

Which bin does he go in, regular trash, recycling, or compost?

[onlysmallwings]

If possible, compost the jerk and let him nourish the growth of other things. But LW should check with local waste disposal to be sure.

[fred_mouse]

not recyclable, we wouldn't want someone else to have the same discovery. Landfill of hazardous household waste is illegal, and he is definitely hazardous to this person's health. Thus, compost 

[cynthia1960]

I was concerned about composting because this dude sounds like an apex predator and they concentrate toxins. Same caution about eating the rich.

[fred_mouse]

This is true. I have previously seen the caution that eating the risk is dangerous to one's health and therefore composting is the preferred option, but I hadn't considered the issue of toxins in the soil. Maybe if the compost is only used on ornamentals? It may well be that it isn't the kind of toxins that affect plants.