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agonyaunt2019-10-15 04:04 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2019-10-15 04:04 pm
Entry tags:
Ask A Manager: ‘I’m Ashamed of My Work History and Want to Make a Career Change at 40’
(technically this is Ask a Boss at The Cut, but it's the same Alison writing the column. I apologize for rather spamming today, but this one is so lovely and encouraging I had to share it too.)
Dear Boss,
Dear Boss,
I was relatively successful in my 20s. I got a job right out of college and climbed the ladder, going from an assistant position to a director position, all at the same workplace. I even accomplished some pretty amazing things — many of which are still in place. My personal life exploded in my 30s as my marriage took a turn toward the abusive, and I became a worse and worse employee, eventually agreeing to resign under (appropriately) frosty terms. I got a part-time position after that, but I hadn’t pulled myself out of my tailspin. Then I had a kid and took care of my parents while they died and eventually ghosted my last employer out of shame because I felt like I was failing. I know how bad this sounds.
I am now in my early 40s. I went through tons of therapy, went back to school, got a second bachelor’s degree in a completely unrelated field — graduating magna cum laude with a major department award — and now I’m trying to find a job. I’d like to go to grad school, which tends to be rife with mentorships and placement help, but I don’t have the hands-on work experience I need.
I am deeply ashamed of the past several years (but proud of my recent academic achievements). I know I messed up. And I understand the ways that I messed up. And I’m not trying to make any of it okay. I’m applying for entry-level jobs. I don’t want to ride on my prior work experience. But my years of instability took a toll. Right now, I don’t have any references. And I’m obviously older.
How should I address this period of instability in job interviews? How do I talk about my prior life? And how do I find a job without references? Are there positions that don’t require them these days? I’m absolutely willing to volunteer, but I’m having trouble finding places to do so.
First, please hold in the forefront of your mind that your career didn’t get screwed up because you’re a screw-up. It doesn’t sound like you’re lazy or irresponsible or cavalier about commitments. It sounds like a series of really tough things happened in your life that interfered with your ability to maintain a career that, up until then, had been going great. You clearly have work ethic, a sense of responsibility, and the drive to do well professionally. Life decided to have its way with you, as it sometimes does.
I’m stressing those facts because carrying shame over what happened will just make a hard situation harder — and it sounds like it’s misplaced.
Frankly, even if you had been a screw-up — even if there was nothing external that got in your way and you just had a period of messing up for no good reason — you’d still be able to recover from this. What you do in one decade of your life can absolutely make things harder for you later, but it doesn’t consign you to working entry-level jobs forever after.
You can repair this and get a career back.
You, in particular, have a bunch of things going for you: First, you had years of professional success before things imploded, and that’s evidence of your abilities and drive. Second, you have a newly minted degree, which in many ways will act as a professional reset. That’s especially true if your degree has a clear professional path to it; for example, if you got an accounting degree, many employers are going to be more interested in what you achieved in school than what you did in unrelated jobs five or ten years ago. (That effect has a time limit on it though, so take full advantage of it now while you’re still a fairly new grad.)
For those who do check references, your best bet is honesty: “I was dealing with a number of issues in my personal life, including sick parents, who I cared for until they passed away, and a new baby. It affected my ability to focus on work, and the references from that period will reflect that. I can offer you references from before that period, which will be excellent, although they’re from longer ago. Or I can offer you people who worked with me more recently, while I was in school.” You could add, “I’m hoping that my track record of achievement in school over the last four years will demonstrate that period is behind me.”
Some employers will be wary of this. Others won’t be. You only need one who isn’t — because that employer will let you start rebuilding your work history. And once you have a strong work history there, the next job search after that will be far easier, because what you’ve done recently will always be more relevant than what happened long ago. (And that period will become “long ago” at some point.)
You’re in the hardest part right now. But it’s going to get a lot easier.
Dear Boss,
Dear Boss,
I was relatively successful in my 20s. I got a job right out of college and climbed the ladder, going from an assistant position to a director position, all at the same workplace. I even accomplished some pretty amazing things — many of which are still in place. My personal life exploded in my 30s as my marriage took a turn toward the abusive, and I became a worse and worse employee, eventually agreeing to resign under (appropriately) frosty terms. I got a part-time position after that, but I hadn’t pulled myself out of my tailspin. Then I had a kid and took care of my parents while they died and eventually ghosted my last employer out of shame because I felt like I was failing. I know how bad this sounds.
I am now in my early 40s. I went through tons of therapy, went back to school, got a second bachelor’s degree in a completely unrelated field — graduating magna cum laude with a major department award — and now I’m trying to find a job. I’d like to go to grad school, which tends to be rife with mentorships and placement help, but I don’t have the hands-on work experience I need.
I am deeply ashamed of the past several years (but proud of my recent academic achievements). I know I messed up. And I understand the ways that I messed up. And I’m not trying to make any of it okay. I’m applying for entry-level jobs. I don’t want to ride on my prior work experience. But my years of instability took a toll. Right now, I don’t have any references. And I’m obviously older.
How should I address this period of instability in job interviews? How do I talk about my prior life? And how do I find a job without references? Are there positions that don’t require them these days? I’m absolutely willing to volunteer, but I’m having trouble finding places to do so.
First, please hold in the forefront of your mind that your career didn’t get screwed up because you’re a screw-up. It doesn’t sound like you’re lazy or irresponsible or cavalier about commitments. It sounds like a series of really tough things happened in your life that interfered with your ability to maintain a career that, up until then, had been going great. You clearly have work ethic, a sense of responsibility, and the drive to do well professionally. Life decided to have its way with you, as it sometimes does.
I’m stressing those facts because carrying shame over what happened will just make a hard situation harder — and it sounds like it’s misplaced.
Frankly, even if you had been a screw-up — even if there was nothing external that got in your way and you just had a period of messing up for no good reason — you’d still be able to recover from this. What you do in one decade of your life can absolutely make things harder for you later, but it doesn’t consign you to working entry-level jobs forever after.
You can repair this and get a career back.
You, in particular, have a bunch of things going for you: First, you had years of professional success before things imploded, and that’s evidence of your abilities and drive. Second, you have a newly minted degree, which in many ways will act as a professional reset. That’s especially true if your degree has a clear professional path to it; for example, if you got an accounting degree, many employers are going to be more interested in what you achieved in school than what you did in unrelated jobs five or ten years ago. (That effect has a time limit on it though, so take full advantage of it now while you’re still a fairly new grad.)
For those who do check references, your best bet is honesty: “I was dealing with a number of issues in my personal life, including sick parents, who I cared for until they passed away, and a new baby. It affected my ability to focus on work, and the references from that period will reflect that. I can offer you references from before that period, which will be excellent, although they’re from longer ago. Or I can offer you people who worked with me more recently, while I was in school.” You could add, “I’m hoping that my track record of achievement in school over the last four years will demonstrate that period is behind me.”
Some employers will be wary of this. Others won’t be. You only need one who isn’t — because that employer will let you start rebuilding your work history. And once you have a strong work history there, the next job search after that will be far easier, because what you’ve done recently will always be more relevant than what happened long ago. (And that period will become “long ago” at some point.)
You’re in the hardest part right now. But it’s going to get a lot easier.
no subject
In a pinch, if the LW's new career has any possibility of doing a little volunteering, that might help? I'm thinking, for an accountant as that example was given, helping with tax forms, kind of things. Then the volunteer supervisor can become a reference. But this is so dependent on the new career.
no subject
I've given references to a few people in similar positions, and was able to focus on the positives of the person's work. In a situation like the LW's, I wouldn't feel like I was being dishonest in doing so, not when the person had demonstrated that they had turned a corner. That may vary from person to person, though.
no subject
Then I took a horrible job (cold-calling telephone sales, ugh) and got a decent reference out of it, moved to a less horrible job (inbound call centre with a good culture, less ugh), was made redundant, moved on again, and five and a half years after re-entering the workforce I've got a kickass resume, a lot of really strong references who think I'm great, and next week I start my awesome new job on literally twice the money I was making when I reentered the work force 5.5 years ago.
None of which is to humblebrag, but to reiterate the point: your strongest "sales" points are your recent referees, your recent accomplishments, and the people who are willing to go to bat for you. Make a good impression in a couple of entry level jobs, and you really can erase an ignominious history. Employers don't care who you were ten years ago, they care about who you are and what you can do now.