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Care and Feeding: First-Grade Crushes
Dear Care and Feeding,
How do you talk to your young children about crushes at school? My oldest daughter is in first grade, and for the last few months, she has been talking about a classmate and how much she loves him. She even asked how to know if she should marry him.
I don’t want her to feel dismissed or belittled by me, but she is only 7! I know her feelings are real to her, but I just don’t know what to say. Please help!
—Not Ready to Be an In-Law
Dear Not Ready,
Ask her some questions about the object of her affection and just what it is that he has or does that makes her feel like she does about him. If this kid isn’t terribly nice to her, ask her to explain just why she finds him to be so dreamy and help her to understand why it’s important to surround ourselves with people who treat us with kindness. If she lists positive attributes—say, he’s good at sharing, patient, polite, and smart—explain that those are excellent qualities to have in a friend, and that friendship is the only suitable relationship between kids their age.
Let her know that it’s OK to feel butterflies in her stomach or even that she loves this classmate, but that she has to express those feelings in ways that are appropriate. Make sure she knows not to overwhelm him or, you know, propose marriage, which is something for when you’re much older. Crushes can be sweet and safe, and yes, her feelings are real to her … so be gentle with them!
How do you talk to your young children about crushes at school? My oldest daughter is in first grade, and for the last few months, she has been talking about a classmate and how much she loves him. She even asked how to know if she should marry him.
I don’t want her to feel dismissed or belittled by me, but she is only 7! I know her feelings are real to her, but I just don’t know what to say. Please help!
—Not Ready to Be an In-Law
Dear Not Ready,
Ask her some questions about the object of her affection and just what it is that he has or does that makes her feel like she does about him. If this kid isn’t terribly nice to her, ask her to explain just why she finds him to be so dreamy and help her to understand why it’s important to surround ourselves with people who treat us with kindness. If she lists positive attributes—say, he’s good at sharing, patient, polite, and smart—explain that those are excellent qualities to have in a friend, and that friendship is the only suitable relationship between kids their age.
Let her know that it’s OK to feel butterflies in her stomach or even that she loves this classmate, but that she has to express those feelings in ways that are appropriate. Make sure she knows not to overwhelm him or, you know, propose marriage, which is something for when you’re much older. Crushes can be sweet and safe, and yes, her feelings are real to her … so be gentle with them!
no subject
You (or I, or pretty much every parent on our dw circles or I know from conventions) hear about potential puppet-corpses, we're like yeah, that's creepy, and also, was that a Batman/Stargate/Smallville/Hannibal/movie/tv/comic/book plotline, and then, wait, didn't someone write a fic with that but who, and sometimes, I want to write that. On occasion, our kids help us break down the concept of puppet-corpsing and how it would work.
I'm getting the impression from Dear Prudence, Care and Feeding, Abby, and Amy these conversations either don't happen (???) or aren't nearly as productive and fun, and that's pretty much my only working theory as to why.
no subject