Dear Annie: Graduation Party?

[cereta]

Dear Annie: I am the youngest of seven children and the only one who didn't marry young. I am also the only one who attended college. I am graduating in May and mentioned to my parents that I hoped to have a small graduation party with family and close friends. One friend already offered to make my cake.

You can imagine my disappointment when my parents said it was silly to have a graduation party, and they'd rather spend money on a wedding whenever I get married. Annie, I wasn't asking them to spend money. I just wanted to use the hospitality of their home because my college apartment is a few hours away.

I've worked hard for my degree, and I'm hurt by their lack of excitement. I want to share my happiness. I don't need gifts. Would it be against etiquette to throw myself a party? -- Puzzled

Dear Puzzled: It is OK to give yourself a party, but please don't mention your graduation until after your guests arrive. You don't want to give the impression of, "I'm so fantastic and accomplished -- bring presents." Simply say you want to have a party. You can then tell them during the event that you are celebrating your degree. Another option is to get together with your classmates and have a group celebration, whereby you are essentially giving a graduation party for one another.

Comments

[ambyr]

I actually do get the registry thing, because I come from a family where asking for specific presents for any occasion is Not Done. But I understand other people (like my partner's family) pass around wishlists all the time, for birthdays and Christmas and everything else, so in that case I don't see why a registry would be any different.

[sara]

Ditto this -- the way I was brought up, asking for a present was...well, I'm trying to think of something similar. It'd be about like taking my shirt off in front of an elderly relative. Or wait, I know, like bending over to get something out of a cabinet and flashing my buttcrack at someone. But in a financial way.

In adult life, of course, this means that my spouse never buys me gifts I like, because I still can't bring myself to say get me two of these and one of those. I have finally just started getting myself what I'd like.

(We did have a registry, but we didn't admit to it unless asked directly. Mostly people asked my mother, which is apparently How These Things Are Handled.)