Dear Annie: Graduation Party?

[cereta]

Dear Annie: I am the youngest of seven children and the only one who didn't marry young. I am also the only one who attended college. I am graduating in May and mentioned to my parents that I hoped to have a small graduation party with family and close friends. One friend already offered to make my cake.

You can imagine my disappointment when my parents said it was silly to have a graduation party, and they'd rather spend money on a wedding whenever I get married. Annie, I wasn't asking them to spend money. I just wanted to use the hospitality of their home because my college apartment is a few hours away.

I've worked hard for my degree, and I'm hurt by their lack of excitement. I want to share my happiness. I don't need gifts. Would it be against etiquette to throw myself a party? -- Puzzled

Dear Puzzled: It is OK to give yourself a party, but please don't mention your graduation until after your guests arrive. You don't want to give the impression of, "I'm so fantastic and accomplished -- bring presents." Simply say you want to have a party. You can then tell them during the event that you are celebrating your degree. Another option is to get together with your classmates and have a group celebration, whereby you are essentially giving a graduation party for one another.

Comments

[cereta]

I swear, this obsession advice columnists have with never, ever presenting the slightest clue about gifts, even on traditional gift-giving occasions, frazzles my nerves, especially when it leads to something like this, wherein the Annies don't even address the central issue of the letter (the behavior of the parents).

I throw myself a birthday party every year, because I like celebrating my birthday, and I think expecting someone else to do the work of throwing the party would be rude and entitled. Sometimes I mention it's my birthday in the invites, sometimes I don't. A few people show up with gifts; mostly people don't (although this year, lydiabell did get me an awesome stuffed turtle...).

Graduating from college is quite an accomplishment, and if the LW's parents don't recognize that, phooey on them. She should throw the party if she can find a venue, enjoy that cake, and take a moment to feel good about herself. God knows she's going to need it as she looks for work.

[seperis]

I loathe the entire weirdness of giving parties for yourself is somehow wrong (or family giving certain kinds of parties is wrong, for that matter). It's also stressful personally because it implies that one's value to their friends is based on their willingness to have parties for you, and indirectly, if you want a birthday party, evaluate your future social relationships for people who do that sort of thing.

I honestly don't know many people past eighteen who don't throw their own birthday parties--or any parties, for that matter. That's kind of one of the perks of adulthood; making your own guest lists.

[deird1]

Agreed. It's like they focus so much on the present thing that they seem to lose sight of why everyone wants to throw the parties.

[moem]

In most European countries, as far as I know, it's completely normal to throw a party for your birthday. As normal as: if you don't, people will ask you why.
It doesn't mean 'Come bring me presents!' It means 'It's my birthday, come eat tasty snacks, drink nice drinks, and be merry. Gifts are optional but appreciated.'

So rest asured in the knowledge that you are utterly normal, depending on where you are... but that's how normalcy works, isn't it?

[naath]

In my social circle it's even entirely normal to put "please bring the tasty snacks and nice drinks" on the invite. And to host parties in pricey eateries and expect everyone to pay their own tab.

I guess the thing is that if *everyone* does it the same way it doesn't turn out unfair.

Graduation is big and important and exciting. Much more important than marriage. Maybe that's my weird side showing through though.