Dear Annie: 'Throwback Thursday' Pix Anger Friend

[cereta]

Dear Annie: "Lisa," a friend with whom I went to high school, got rhinoplasty -- aka a nose job -- between high school and college. Don't ask me why; I think she had a beautiful face beforehand, but that's a tale for another letter. I'm writing to you about a disagreement that's come up between her and me recently.

I love posting "Throwback Thursday" photos on social media. I do it pretty much every Thursday. Lisa and I were basically attached at the hip in high school, so naturally, a lot of my pictures include her. They also include her old nose -- and this is what Lisa takes issue with.

One time, after I made a post, she texted me, "Take that down!" I thought she was joking, so I laughed off her text. About a month later, I posted another photo that she was in. Then she sent me a much longer text, saying I had disrespected her wishes and made her feel embarrassed. I told her I never meant to make her feel bad -- that those old photos make me feel happy, which is why I share them. I thought we reached an understanding. A few months later, I posted a group photo, which she was in. That's when she went nuclear. Now she's not speaking to me. Annie, was I wrong? -- Thrown Off

Dear Thrown Off: When you look at these photos, you see snapshots of fond memories. When your friend looks at these photos, all she sees are "before" pictures. That's a shame. It seems that she is still carrying a lot of insecurity about her looks and her surgery. Let's hope she makes peace with that. If you want to keep peace with her until then, avoid posting old photos of just her or the two of you. It is her likeness, after all, and not every memory needs to be shared with the whole world. Sometimes it's better to treasure them privately.

Comments

[eleanorjane]

My version of Annie's predictably shitty response:
----
Dear LW, yes, you were wrong.

Your friend Lisa was dissatisfied with her appearance enough to have painful surgery to change it. Now you are posting ongoing reminders of how she used to look, and disregarding her repeated requests to a) not do that any more and b) take down what you've already posted.

Are you really surprised she's unhappy? Imagine if there was a quality about yourself that you'd taken pains to change, and now Lisa was repeatedly posting things that reminded everyone you used to have that quality, and when it upset you she'd innocently pose the defense that no, no, this was all about *her* happy memories.

You saying you "never meant to make her feel bad" is an explanation, not an excuse, and it *certainly* doesn't excuse you from not taking them down after the fact. "I never meant to make you feel bad" isn't a license to ignore her actual request and keep going on your merry way. No wonder she's pissed at you, LW; you've clearly demonstrated that your memories of happiness are more important to you than her current happiness.

Fuck's sake, LW, have some fucking compassion. It sounds a lot like you're getting some sort of saboteur-y satisfaction out of drawing attention to Lisa's former appearance in a semi-public arena. Stop being a fucking jerk, take down the pictures, and I dunno, maybe level the playing field by posting some subjectively unflattering pix of yourself instead next TBT.

Also, apologise.