Annie's Mailbox: Asking about service animals

[cereta]

Dear Annie: I was recently at a restaurant and noticed a woman with a service dog. While standing in line to give our order, I asked what service this dog performed. She politely told me that she has seizures. I thanked her and said I was just curious. She then politely informed me that, although she did not mind answering my question, it was not OK to ask what the dogs are needed for.

I apologized and thanked her for telling me. But is there a way for inquiring minds to know this information, or should we simply not ask? I just want to know about the breed and ability of the dogs. -- Too Curious

Dear Curious: Asking what service the dog provides is akin to asking someone what's "wrong" with them. This is intrusive. While some folks don't mind discussing their medical or emotional problems with strangers, it is rude to let your curiosity take precedence over their privacy. If you want to know more about service dogs, you can go online and check out the many organizations that provide them.

Comments

[cereta]

:...You want to know if there's a way you can ask an intrusive, nosy question that requires a stranger to disclose medical information? What is wrong with people?

Let me guess: you give people with handicapped placards dirty looks unless their disability is obvious, don't you?

[jadelennox]

I dunno, the LW seems to mean well but be hung up on Curiosity Entitlement. You know, the feeling of entitlement (in America at least) about the right for inquiring minds to know. There must be a polite way to ask where your people are from, what your disability is, how you got it, how your dad died, what are the secret indigenous cultural practices, right? Knowledge is meant to be shared! Curiosity is never wrong! It's always okay to ask! Etc.

[ambyr]

If you want to know about the breed of the dog, try, “That’s a really handsome dog! What breed is it, if you don’t mind me asking?”

[katarik]

Yes, this! If you're framing the curiosity in your head as 'ooh, that's a fascinating thing these dogs are trained to do, I wonder what breed this dog is and what it's trained to note', I can see how it seems less intrusive from your own standing, but that doesn't change that you have no business asking somebody their medical information and there are other ways to find out what breed a service animal is! There are even other ways to ask about the specific skills that service animal has!

'Oh, a black lab? Are labs the best breed for service dogs? Oh, I can Google that? Thanks! Hope your day goes well!'

Honestly. People. I don't even blame this one on malice or stupidity, just self-centeredness and not realizing her innocent question is actually rude and fits into a whole paradigm around disability and accounting for same.

[lilysea]

a) You are probably the 50,000th person to ask about her service dog since she got it, and her patience/tolerance has worn thin with each repetition - it's like water wearing away the grand canyon

b) why should she have to disclose her medical issues to you? There's no way to say what service the service dog provides without disclosing her medical issues

c) please, mind your own business

[moem]

LW was very lucky to run into someone who handled the clearly inappropriate question with such undeserved grace.

[minoanmiss]

I was trying o think of how to phrase this. "Undeserved grace" is a great way to put it.

[moem]

Hey thanks!