minoanmiss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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agonyaunt2018-05-19 11:11 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2018-05-19 11:11 pm
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: Interviewing while pregnant — but I’m not the mother
A reader writes:
I’m currently employed, though attempting to change careers. I have a few great job interviews set up for positions I would love to have. My only hiccup in the interview process is that I’m four months pregnant, but the baby isn’t mine. I am a gestational carrier for a lovely family who just needed a little extra help to bring their child into the world.
That being said, I will not be having a baby come home from the hospital with me, nor will I have late night feedings, the need for a room to pump in, nor maternity leave. I’m expecting to just need to take a few days off for the delivery and a small amount of recovery, and then be right back in action.
I know I am in a very unique position. This is my third pregnancy and I’m already showing, and I’m at a loss as to how to broach this topic with a potential employer (or not to at all). I don’t want to turn off a potential employer since I am pregnant, but I also don’t want to not mention it and therefore ruin the groundwork of a trusted employer/employee relationship.
Are you showing to the point that you can’t hide it with business clothes?
If so, I’d mention it. Otherwise, you run the risk of them either consciously or unconsciously letting the pregnancy negatively affect your chances, since they’ll be calculating that you’ll be out for a few months not all that long after you start. At some employers, that’s not an issue at all, whereas for others it could indeed be a deal-breaker, or at least a deal-weakener. (And no, that’s not legal — or at least it’s not legal if they have 15 or more employees and thus are covered under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, but it’s pretty common.)
If they’re going to realize you’re pregnant whether you mention it or not, I’d fill them in on the rest of the situation so that you’re not at risk of that kind of bias. You can bring it up by saying something like, “I should mention the elephant in the room,” and then explain the situation.
You don’t want your underlying message here to be “Unlike all those other pregnant women who you might be afraid to hire, I’m going to be right back at work.” That’s bad for other women, and it’s potentially insulting to your interviewer. Rather, the gist of your message should be “I realize a piece of this situation is clearly visible and I want to fill you in on how it will impact my schedule.”
Some people will be a little uncomfortable that you brought it up at all, but I think that’s outweighed by the benefits of raising it.
That said, there’s plenty of room for disagreement on this, and I think a reasonable argument can be made for not raising it at all … so it probably comes down to what you’re most comfortable with.
Also, what an amazing thing you’re doing.
I’m currently employed, though attempting to change careers. I have a few great job interviews set up for positions I would love to have. My only hiccup in the interview process is that I’m four months pregnant, but the baby isn’t mine. I am a gestational carrier for a lovely family who just needed a little extra help to bring their child into the world.
That being said, I will not be having a baby come home from the hospital with me, nor will I have late night feedings, the need for a room to pump in, nor maternity leave. I’m expecting to just need to take a few days off for the delivery and a small amount of recovery, and then be right back in action.
I know I am in a very unique position. This is my third pregnancy and I’m already showing, and I’m at a loss as to how to broach this topic with a potential employer (or not to at all). I don’t want to turn off a potential employer since I am pregnant, but I also don’t want to not mention it and therefore ruin the groundwork of a trusted employer/employee relationship.
Are you showing to the point that you can’t hide it with business clothes?
If so, I’d mention it. Otherwise, you run the risk of them either consciously or unconsciously letting the pregnancy negatively affect your chances, since they’ll be calculating that you’ll be out for a few months not all that long after you start. At some employers, that’s not an issue at all, whereas for others it could indeed be a deal-breaker, or at least a deal-weakener. (And no, that’s not legal — or at least it’s not legal if they have 15 or more employees and thus are covered under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, but it’s pretty common.)
If they’re going to realize you’re pregnant whether you mention it or not, I’d fill them in on the rest of the situation so that you’re not at risk of that kind of bias. You can bring it up by saying something like, “I should mention the elephant in the room,” and then explain the situation.
You don’t want your underlying message here to be “Unlike all those other pregnant women who you might be afraid to hire, I’m going to be right back at work.” That’s bad for other women, and it’s potentially insulting to your interviewer. Rather, the gist of your message should be “I realize a piece of this situation is clearly visible and I want to fill you in on how it will impact my schedule.”
Some people will be a little uncomfortable that you brought it up at all, but I think that’s outweighed by the benefits of raising it.
That said, there’s plenty of room for disagreement on this, and I think a reasonable argument can be made for not raising it at all … so it probably comes down to what you’re most comfortable with.
Also, what an amazing thing you’re doing.
no subject
I've been asked the actualfax illegal questions so many times in interviews, but then I'm disabled. People suck and are badly trained.