Dear Abby: Unhappy Grandma Gets an Eyeful of Son-in-Law Wearing Skivvies

[lilysea]

Dear Abby,

After my future son-in-law moved in with our daughter, my husband and I stopped by unannounced to visit. He answered the door in his underwear and never bothered to go put on a pair of shorts. We didn't say anything and, of course, didn't stay long.

It was close to Christmas, so we bought him a robe and my husband jokingly told him, "We figured you didn't have one since you stay in your underwear when we're here." Even after that, he still does it.

I finally told my daughter, "Since he can't take a hint, please tell him to put on clothes when I'm coming over." Since then, when we've stopped by (dropping off the grandbabies) he still doesn't put shorts on.

It happened again today. I asked him to please throw on some shorts, and his response was, "You're killing me in my own house," but he did do it. They rely on us to help with our granddaughters, but I'm fed up with having to see him in his underwear. I also don't think he should go around that way around his 6-year-old stepdaughter and his 2-month-old daughter. What are your thoughts on this? -- HURTING EYES IN FLORIDA

DEAR HURTING EYES: Because you are doing your daughter and her husband the favor of looking after the grandkids, and you have let them know you prefer not seeing your son-in-law in his undies, your wishes should be respected. However, different families have different standards regarding attire around the house, and you shouldn't judge him for what he chooses to wear in the privacy of his home when you are not around.

Comments

[movingfinger]

The 6-year-old stepdaughter doesn't need to see Stepdad hanging in his underwear, no matter what kind it is. Boxers can also reveal quite a lot of what's in them.

The LW should talk to her daughter and ask her why the man cannot wear pants around other people. Yes, it's his home. It's also his children's home.

LW should stop viewing this as a personal affront and start considering it a boundary violation. She should continue with the child care and listen carefully to them.

[minoanmiss]

Huh. My father hung out at home in his underwear, and of all the things I think my parents did wrong, that's not one of them. I don't think this is necessarily some precursor to sexual abuse or something.

Honestly, what worries me about SIL's attitude is not the underwear but the intransigence.

[lilysea]

Boxers can also reveal quite a lot of what's in them.

Really? I'm wondering if this is a US/Australia uses language differently thing?

I'm picturing something like this:

[lilysea]

Of course, it could also be different cultural norms:

our former prime minister wore these to public beaches on a regular basis while he was the sitting Prime Minister:

www.frasercoastchronicle.com.au/news/tony-dons-those-budgie-smugglers-in-bay-challenge/1353602/

[the_rck]

Those are longer and tighter in the legs than what I think of as boxers, but I get the impression (looking at Amazon) that length varies wildly. I don't think my husband's boxers go more than an inch below the crotch. Depending on how he's sitting, the dangly bits can be visible when he's only wearing the boxers.