agonyaunt | (no subject)

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Dear Eric: I strongly dislike tattoos, as does everyone in my immediate family. I can't fathom why anybody would want to ruin their skin and risk infections. I was hoping this fad would die and fade away like indoor smoking in a restaurant.

I can hardly bear to eat out anymore at just the sickening thought that someone with tattoos would be cooking, preparing or serving the food and taking out all the enjoyment for me. I know it's a personal choice, but why would anyone be proud to show them off like a really ugly piece of art on an ugly or aging body? Beats me. I don’t know what to do about this.

– Ink Free

Dear Ink: I think you know this already, but other people’s tattoos have absolutely no impact on your life whatsoever. It seems you’re creating a conflict where there needn’t be one and robbing yourself of joy. Ask yourself seriously, in what way does a person having a, say, butterfly tattoo on their shoulder impact the food that you eat? I think you’ll be so much happier if you actively remind yourself that you’re going to live and let live.

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I know it's a personal choice, but why would anyone be proud to show them off like a really ugly piece of art on an ugly or aging body? Beats me.

Well, you're proud to show off your really ugly attitude, so you tell us. Ugly is as ugly does!

Thank you; that part really grated on me too.

This level of intensity/scrupulosity feels to me like it needs professional help. "Someone I will probably never see might not meet my aesthetic preferences" might easily be beyond the level of mildly intrusive where "just ask yourself" might help.

Oh, no, definitely - and the fact that LW doesn't seem to have any awareness of this fact means that they probably won't get it.

Yeah, the sickening thought that someone with tattoos would be cooking, preparing or serving the food is way past "I don't like them" or the class anxieties around tats that was a thing for a long time.

LW's tattoo hate/phobia is weird as F.

I wondered for a moment if LW's anxiety could be because of Hepatitis C (which can be caught by tattoo parlours with inadequate sterilisation) but

a) that's only a risk if the cook/waiter BLEEDS on your food which is very unlikely in a reputable kitchen that follows normal food regulations;

b) there are a million ways people catch Hepatitis C - sharing toothbrushes; sharing razors; unsafe sex; blood transfusions; IV drug use - and LW doesn't seem to be worried about whether their cook/waiter does any of those

c) these days there are medications to treat Hepatitis C - the medications are extremely unpleasant[1], but it is now a treatable illness.

So LW's phobia seems to lack even a scrap/even a skerrick of material basis.

[1] I used to have a job with the government administering compensation payments to people who contracted Hepatitis C via blood transfusions before blood transfusions were tested for Hepatitis C.

Edited 2026-05-13 14:10 (UTC)

Also: fad? Body modification with ink has been around since at least the late 4th millennium. Ötzi had 61 tattoos! There are Egyptian mummies with figural tattoos!They're in Herodotus! And that's not getting into the Austronesian traditions! I wonder what the LW would say to encountering someone with tā moko.

That part was what made me laugh out loud. I just watched a video about the most recent genetic findings about Ötzi, so it seemed very apropos.

But yeah, this level of freakout is beyond abnormal and into territory where LW needs help, in my view.

Also: writing off all tattoos is like writing off "all paintings" or "all sculptures".

There are tattoos that have an amazing level of artistic skill/style/beauty

and there are tattoos that are deeply unfortunate.

Like any creative medium, the level of artistic skill and creative imagination varies wildly from one example to another example.

Yeah, LW seems to have... I'm not sure if phobia is even the right word, but a highly specific ick that could benefit from some examination and strategizing about how to keep it from limiting their life.

Someone might be able to talk LW into a cognitive-behavioral therapy approach if they offered it as a way to be less bothered by something that is, for better or worse, out there. Rather than try to convince them that tattoos are OK, tell them that this will help them be less bothered by tattoos in places they can't avoid, like doctors' waiting rooms.

If the only or most disturbing context where this is a problem is going out to eat, they don't have to do that--plenty of people don't, for a variety of reasons, including budget and dietary restrictions. The LW might benefit from a few good cookbooks and mail-order sources of ingredients. For example, I don't know or care whether the people I'm buying my spices from are tattooed, and half the time I'm getting them delivered, so what I see is a brown cardboard box.

Yeah, people are allowed to strongly, even irrationally, Not Like Things, but "I can't enjoy eating out because I can't stop obsessing over the possibility that someone with a tattoo might have been involved with my food prep somewhere" is quite debilitating and seems like something that would actually benefit from treatment.
Of course, LW would first have to be able to acknowledge that, and it seems like that might be a way off for them.

Edited 2026-05-13 15:26 (UTC)

If I were giving LW advice, I'd probably try to frame it as, well, the fact is that people aren't going to stop having tattoos no matter how much they upset you, so maybe some targeted help in managing the feelings they trigger in you is the way to go. Because yes, whether LW knows it or not, this does seem to go way beyond a silly prejudice (which it also is, to be clear) or aesthetic preference.

This sounds like a prejudice rather than a phobia, and OP is welcome to suffer until they manage to get over it ;p

Edited 2026-05-13 15:50 (UTC)

I think it's possible for it to be both, but there is certainly entitlement, selfishness, and prejudice involved, whether or not there's also a phobia.

True — I’m being uncharitable and cranky, but whatever mental health thing they have going on, it doesn’t excuse the crappy way that they are behaving.

For everyone sake, they should get some help in getting over this and learning to mind their own business about other people’s bodies.

I thought of them as a fad in the 1980s in the sense that all of a sudden you saw lots of people with visible tattoos, rather than only very occasionally. Same as there have always been men with long hair, but in the 1970s it was a "thing." Now, I suppose, widespread tattoos have become mainstream, like jeans or T-shirts or something, which have long outlasted being "fashionable" as choices in themselves, if you see what I mean, and become just standard clothes options.

I lean towards your view as well tbh, so I guess we can be uncharitable together. But even if LW DOES, in fact, suffer from a clinical phobia and isn’t just a bigot who enjoys playing the martyr, I don’t think “seek treatment” is realistic advice in a case like this. Seeking phobia treatment is insanely fucking hard even when you know your fear is completely irrational and morally neutral; sufferers tend to go years or decades untreated before they work up the courage to face the fear head-on. A person with a phobia who is ALSO convinced that all exposures are a case of other people Being Wrong, that their phobia is valid and that in a sane world they wouldn’t be exposed to it at all, strikes me as unlikely to put in that work. Even in this letter they don’t seem to be seeking actual self-regulation advice so much as hoping the columnist will validate their disgust.

Edited 2026-05-13 22:07 (UTC)

I cackled!

OMG! The tattoo will magically leap off the cook onto LW's food and LW will end up eating TATTOOED FOOD! The horror!

LW would not cope in my city. At my kids' elementary school, Spouse and I were the odd parents out for being uninked. (I was considering getting one for a milestone birthday, but then Covid happened, and by time things opened up again I realized it wasn't something I really wanted to do. But it's really neat that so many people do it and sport cool art.)

I wanna send OP a photo of Anthony Bourdain with his shirt off. (Not that they deserve that sort of eye candy, but one can hope that it would be sufficient evidence that body art has NOTHING to do with culinary arts.)

LW really has NO IDEA just how prevalent body art is in food service, do they? They're gonna have to cook at home for the rest of their life with an attitude like this.

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