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agonyaunt2026-04-14 02:25 pm
petrea_mitchell) wrote in agonyaunt2026-04-14 02:25 pm
Why Tho: Can we leave out the horrible kid?
Actual headline: Why Tho: My birthday kid wants to invite everyone in class to his party - but not this 1 boy
Dear Lizzy,
My son is in third grade, and his birthday is coming up. He’s told me he wants to invite his whole class to his party (at a park) except for one kid.
This kid is a menace, if I am honest. He breaks things in class and yells and hits. He is actually quite mean to my son. I want to respect my son’s wishes here, but is it fair to invite everyone except him?
To Exclude or Not to Exclude
Dear To Exclude or Not to Exclude,
Sorry to say (OK, I am not that sorry to say), you absolutely cannot invite every single kid in the class except one.
You say this boy is mean to your son. Do you want to teach your son that the response to mean people is to be mean right back? Imagine the pain this boy will feel when he inevitably finds out every kid in the class was invited to a party but him.
I guarantee you this kid’s life is already pretty hard, in ways that you don’t know about – happy kids don’t generally break things, yell, or hit people with any consistency.
So, you have two options: Make the party much smaller and only invite some of the kids in the class (though don’t invite all the boys either, and exclude him from that). Do not send party invites to school, but instead reach out to the adults. Make sure your son knows not everyone is invited, and it might hurt people’s feelings if he brings it up at school.
Your other option is to invite the whole class and hope for the best. There will be a lot of adults and a lot of kids. Heck, this boy might not even show up! But if you invite the majority of the class, it has to be the whole class.
Talk to your son and ask him how he would feel if he knew his entire class was invited to a party and he wasn’t. It’s not hard to put yourself in that position and picture yourself totally left out of all the fun.
Consider this: You have a chance to teach your son a little bit about what it’s like to be a person living in a community and how your actions impact other people. It’s not always easy, but it is important.
Good luck!
Lizzy
Dear Lizzy,
My son is in third grade, and his birthday is coming up. He’s told me he wants to invite his whole class to his party (at a park) except for one kid.
This kid is a menace, if I am honest. He breaks things in class and yells and hits. He is actually quite mean to my son. I want to respect my son’s wishes here, but is it fair to invite everyone except him?
To Exclude or Not to Exclude
Dear To Exclude or Not to Exclude,
Sorry to say (OK, I am not that sorry to say), you absolutely cannot invite every single kid in the class except one.
You say this boy is mean to your son. Do you want to teach your son that the response to mean people is to be mean right back? Imagine the pain this boy will feel when he inevitably finds out every kid in the class was invited to a party but him.
I guarantee you this kid’s life is already pretty hard, in ways that you don’t know about – happy kids don’t generally break things, yell, or hit people with any consistency.
So, you have two options: Make the party much smaller and only invite some of the kids in the class (though don’t invite all the boys either, and exclude him from that). Do not send party invites to school, but instead reach out to the adults. Make sure your son knows not everyone is invited, and it might hurt people’s feelings if he brings it up at school.
Your other option is to invite the whole class and hope for the best. There will be a lot of adults and a lot of kids. Heck, this boy might not even show up! But if you invite the majority of the class, it has to be the whole class.
Talk to your son and ask him how he would feel if he knew his entire class was invited to a party and he wasn’t. It’s not hard to put yourself in that position and picture yourself totally left out of all the fun.
Consider this: You have a chance to teach your son a little bit about what it’s like to be a person living in a community and how your actions impact other people. It’s not always easy, but it is important.
Good luck!
Lizzy