Ask a Manager: let’s hear from people who didn’t find their career paths until after 40

[minoanmiss]

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes:

This is half-question, half-plea. I’d love to hear from readers who didn’t get into a fulfilling / interesting / creative / what-you-actually-want-to-do career until after age 40.

I’m having a bit of a slow, long-term personal breakdown of shame over my “career.” I started out a high achiever, interested in so many things and studying so many creative and academic pursuits. I went to a good college, got great grades, and have so many interests.

But graduating into the Great Recession without a much family money behind me (and not having worked during school) left me working retail / customer service / secretarial jobs for what eventually added up to over 10 years. I was pursuing some small writing and performance activities during that time, but nothing that gave me a foothold into a creative job. I saw place after place I wanted to write for someday get sucked dry by venture capital. Covid and helping family members through crises didn’t help things.

I’m out of the entry-level stuff now, but just barely — working admin for a good organization but deeply ashamed to be almost 40 and doing a job I don’t want and should have progressed past in my 20s.

I think you can tell the pain this is causing me. My friend group is divided between high earners with unfun, morally grey jobs and those whose jobs are clearly “the thing you tried to be” (teacher, nurse). Meanwhile I’m so embarrassed to even tell people what my job is at my age.

I’d really like to hear anyone who had a similar “wandering in the desert” period and then got back on track after age 40. I know Alan Rickman didn’t start acting until after 40 but I need some other people to tell me it might be okay too.

Well, first, there’s nothing embarrassing about doing admin work in your 40s! Many people make an entire decades-long career out of it and are extremely valuable to their employers. But it’s not what you want to be doing, and that’s what matters.

Readers, please share your own stories in the comments.

Comments

[movingfinger]

I haven't read the comments, but it seems like this person is unfamiliar with the concept of the "day job." That's the paid work (with benefits) you do to keep yourself fed and housed, and if the writer has an admin job, it is the ideal kind of day job because it is not a job typically taken home or done on weekends. It is an office-hours job. In your free time, having a place to live, food, etc., frees up your mind for creative work.

It seems like the "do what you love" kinds of pitches have seriously skewed people's ideas of what a creative career looks like. Very few people with creative tendencies make a living at it---it is not the norm. Go out when you're not at the day job, do your thing, enjoy doing your thing. Get paid for it if you can. Don't expect it to pay the rent.

[conuly]

My BIL was determined to support himself as an artist and now, at nearly 50, he supports himself as an artist... for a definition of supporting himself that includes three roommates. (I mean, no insult, but he could've been at two or even one roommate if he'd compromised a little bit on the job front.)

[minoanmiss]

I completely agree with you about the day job/ art an avocation way of life.

But still it can be difficult not to internalize societal disdain. When I was 17 and got into an Ivy League the people in my church asked why I wasn’t attending a local Christian college instead of I said I didn’t want to be a secretary (instead of ARE YOU NUTS I GOR INTO AN IVY) I sometimes consider my subsequent pink collar career punishment for my hubris.