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Pay Dirt: My Boyfriend and I Are Buying a House Together. He Thinks Only He Should "Own" It
Link.
Dear Pay Dirt,
My boyfriend, who is 60 years old, and I (48) have been together for 15 years. I make low six figures, and he makes about $20,000 to $30,000 less than that. We live in his house with about 10 years left on the mortgage. We’ve talked about getting married, and he is anxious to move into a home that is more friendly to aging in place. We’ve been saving money to buy a house together, plus I have a few thousand from selling a small townhouse a few years ago.
My concern is that if we buy a house together, he’s made it clear that both of our names will be on the mortgage but it will be only his name on the house title. His philosophy is that if we’re married and he dies, I will inherit the house anyway. My concern is that if we split up (let’s be realistic here), I will be left on a mortgage that I’ve helped pay down with nothing to show for it. (This is after I’ve basically paid his $800 mortgage as “rent” since we moved in together 10 years ago. I also pay our cell phone bill and he pays all other utilities.) He says we can write up documents showing what each of us brought to the house purchase and what each of us contributes monthly, but my gut says I’m putting myself in a precarious financial situation. Am I right to be concerned, or can we put something on paper so I can protect myself whether or not we’re married?
—Paying With Nothing to Show for It
Dear Paying With Nothing to Show for It,
I’m a big “trust your gut” girl. You already feel as though you’re paying more toward your joint expenses than you should, and if I read between the lines, you seem to feel that by paying $800 in rent, you’re a mortgage meal ticket. That’s no way to feel about someone you supposedly want to marry.
I don’t understand his reasoning. If you each put down an equal amount for a down payment and contribute the same amount on the mortgage, you should share ownership of the property equally. You should own the property as joint tenants with rights of survivorship. If he puts down substantially more, and is willing to shoulder a proportionate share of the expenses, then you can own the property as tenants in common, reflecting the percentage of the total each of you has contributed. If he can’t understand and agree to this sharing of an asset, I wonder what else he isn’t getting about you and your relationship.
As for papering over the issue, sure. You can sign a partnership agreement covering the purchase of the property—and all of your other joint assets. You can dictate how much each of you should put in to cover your expenses and then divide who pays for what any number of ways: by percentage of income (you’d pay more since you earn more) or equally. But why not back that up with ownership?
Dear Pay Dirt,
My boyfriend, who is 60 years old, and I (48) have been together for 15 years. I make low six figures, and he makes about $20,000 to $30,000 less than that. We live in his house with about 10 years left on the mortgage. We’ve talked about getting married, and he is anxious to move into a home that is more friendly to aging in place. We’ve been saving money to buy a house together, plus I have a few thousand from selling a small townhouse a few years ago.
My concern is that if we buy a house together, he’s made it clear that both of our names will be on the mortgage but it will be only his name on the house title. His philosophy is that if we’re married and he dies, I will inherit the house anyway. My concern is that if we split up (let’s be realistic here), I will be left on a mortgage that I’ve helped pay down with nothing to show for it. (This is after I’ve basically paid his $800 mortgage as “rent” since we moved in together 10 years ago. I also pay our cell phone bill and he pays all other utilities.) He says we can write up documents showing what each of us brought to the house purchase and what each of us contributes monthly, but my gut says I’m putting myself in a precarious financial situation. Am I right to be concerned, or can we put something on paper so I can protect myself whether or not we’re married?
—Paying With Nothing to Show for It
Dear Paying With Nothing to Show for It,
I’m a big “trust your gut” girl. You already feel as though you’re paying more toward your joint expenses than you should, and if I read between the lines, you seem to feel that by paying $800 in rent, you’re a mortgage meal ticket. That’s no way to feel about someone you supposedly want to marry.
I don’t understand his reasoning. If you each put down an equal amount for a down payment and contribute the same amount on the mortgage, you should share ownership of the property equally. You should own the property as joint tenants with rights of survivorship. If he puts down substantially more, and is willing to shoulder a proportionate share of the expenses, then you can own the property as tenants in common, reflecting the percentage of the total each of you has contributed. If he can’t understand and agree to this sharing of an asset, I wonder what else he isn’t getting about you and your relationship.
As for papering over the issue, sure. You can sign a partnership agreement covering the purchase of the property—and all of your other joint assets. You can dictate how much each of you should put in to cover your expenses and then divide who pays for what any number of ways: by percentage of income (you’d pay more since you earn more) or equally. But why not back that up with ownership?