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agonyaunt2017-06-28 01:03 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2017-06-28 01:03 am
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Dear Abby: Serial father keeps chummy relationships with his exes
http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/Dear-Abby-Serial-father-keeps-chummy-11237805.php
Dear Abby: I recently met a 28-year-old father of three I~Rm interested in. He seems wonderful. He's a hard worker, takes care of his responsibilities and is an amazing father to his children. They~Rre all still very little, but they're great kids. The only thing that~Rs been on my mind lately is he has a lot of baggage. Those kids are from three different women. He gets along with all of them very well, to the point that they sometimes do stuff together with the children. They go out to places, or sometimes he invites them over to his place to swim in the pool. I understand that he has to maintain a healthy relationship with his exes for the sake of the children, but I never thought it would be this 'healthy.' I have never experienced something like this. I appreciate him being up front about everything, but I can't stop thinking about it. Am I overreacting?
Three's Company
Dear Three's Company: I don't think so. While I admire the man's devotion to his children -- not to mention his skilled diplomatic ability -- it does appear that he has a problem making a lasting commitment to a woman. Unless you would seriously consider joining this 'harem,' I urge you to religiously practice contraception. If you would like children in the future, it would be better to approach it with someone who isn't as marriage-phobic as this young man appears to be.
Dear Abby: I recently met a 28-year-old father of three I~Rm interested in. He seems wonderful. He's a hard worker, takes care of his responsibilities and is an amazing father to his children. They~Rre all still very little, but they're great kids. The only thing that~Rs been on my mind lately is he has a lot of baggage. Those kids are from three different women. He gets along with all of them very well, to the point that they sometimes do stuff together with the children. They go out to places, or sometimes he invites them over to his place to swim in the pool. I understand that he has to maintain a healthy relationship with his exes for the sake of the children, but I never thought it would be this 'healthy.' I have never experienced something like this. I appreciate him being up front about everything, but I can't stop thinking about it. Am I overreacting?
Three's Company
Dear Three's Company: I don't think so. While I admire the man's devotion to his children -- not to mention his skilled diplomatic ability -- it does appear that he has a problem making a lasting commitment to a woman. Unless you would seriously consider joining this 'harem,' I urge you to religiously practice contraception. If you would like children in the future, it would be better to approach it with someone who isn't as marriage-phobic as this young man appears to be.
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EX PARTNERS SOMETIMES REMAIN FRIENDS. News at 11.
I think I sprained my eyeballs with all the rolling.
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Option A] He's the perfect partner. When he commits he really means it, even after the sparkly romantic feelings have dissipated. He's a responsible parent and he puts in the work to raise his children and stay friends with his exes. Who could ask for more?
Option B] He's a rat. He gets involved with women but doesn't really commit. He serially abandons people after he gets them pregnant. He doesn't even properly break up with them but keeps them around for emotional labour (or maybe even booty calls, I wouldn't rule it out). OK, he isn't a complete deadbeat, but he still expects women to take on the work and responsibility of actually parenting his children, while he gets to take them out for fun times or invite them over for swimming.
It seems like Abby is completely assuming option B, and most of this community are assuming option A, though we're a bit more critical. I don't think the guy is poly, because if he were he would have said so. Having lots of relationships going on at the same time but trying to find some clever technical loophole that means you don't have to call them relationships isn't poly, it's cheating.
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