(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Prudence,

My husband’s mother passed after a short battle with cancer early in our courtship. We both miss her very much. His father remarried 10 years ago. Recently, we had a son, but my husband refuses to refer to his father’s wife as “Grandma.” As he says, “He already has two Grandmothers, just one of them isn’t here.” His father is “Grandpa” to his new wife’s grandchildren, and while I would like to respect my husband’s wishes, I think it is also not a slight to his mother’s memory and will eventually hurt his dad’s wife, whom I like. Any advice?

—Grandma Dilemma

Dear Grandma Dilemma,

Delicately explain your husband’s sentimental reasons for reserving “Grandma” for his late mother, and ask his stepmother if she’d like to choose a special name she would like to be called instead. Emphasis on “special,” not subpar! In a world full of Nannas and Glam-mas and Gigis and MeeMaws and assorted other titles that nod to cultural roots, the options are endless. If she doesn’t have a strong preference, it could be fun to sit down with a list like this one and go over it together. I cannot personally endorse “Insta-Gram” (listed under “cool grandma names”) or “Gram-Cracker” (which is for some reason filed under “sassy”), but there are 73 other choices that she might love. Also, your son may very well use his toddler creativity to call her something completely random but endearing, so be prepared for that.

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Comments

[dissectionist]

I almost never saw some of my five grandparents because they lived very far from us, but they were still my grandparents. A person doesn’t have to be physically around to be a presence in a kid’s life; I knew they existed, and more to the point, they were an important presence to me because they sent me cash on my birthday and Xmas. (A $20 bill mattered deeply to me as a little kid who rarely got my own cash. We didn’t have regular phone calls or letters or anything like that, but $40 a year ensured that they kept significant space in my mind.)

[torachan]

This person has been dead for over ten years before the kid was born, though. They are going to hear about her from their dad, sure, but I'm not sure how much of an emotional connection they are going to form to her, compared to the grandparents who are actually alive.