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Dear Prudence,
My husband’s mother passed after a short battle with cancer early in our courtship. We both miss her very much. His father remarried 10 years ago. Recently, we had a son, but my husband refuses to refer to his father’s wife as “Grandma.” As he says, “He already has two Grandmothers, just one of them isn’t here.” His father is “Grandpa” to his new wife’s grandchildren, and while I would like to respect my husband’s wishes, I think it is also not a slight to his mother’s memory and will eventually hurt his dad’s wife, whom I like. Any advice?
—Grandma Dilemma
Dear Grandma Dilemma,
Delicately explain your husband’s sentimental reasons for reserving “Grandma” for his late mother, and ask his stepmother if she’d like to choose a special name she would like to be called instead. Emphasis on “special,” not subpar! In a world full of Nannas and Glam-mas and Gigis and MeeMaws and assorted other titles that nod to cultural roots, the options are endless. If she doesn’t have a strong preference, it could be fun to sit down with a list like this one and go over it together. I cannot personally endorse “Insta-Gram” (listed under “cool grandma names”) or “Gram-Cracker” (which is for some reason filed under “sassy”), but there are 73 other choices that she might love. Also, your son may very well use his toddler creativity to call her something completely random but endearing, so be prepared for that.
Link
My husband’s mother passed after a short battle with cancer early in our courtship. We both miss her very much. His father remarried 10 years ago. Recently, we had a son, but my husband refuses to refer to his father’s wife as “Grandma.” As he says, “He already has two Grandmothers, just one of them isn’t here.” His father is “Grandpa” to his new wife’s grandchildren, and while I would like to respect my husband’s wishes, I think it is also not a slight to his mother’s memory and will eventually hurt his dad’s wife, whom I like. Any advice?
—Grandma Dilemma
Dear Grandma Dilemma,
Delicately explain your husband’s sentimental reasons for reserving “Grandma” for his late mother, and ask his stepmother if she’d like to choose a special name she would like to be called instead. Emphasis on “special,” not subpar! In a world full of Nannas and Glam-mas and Gigis and MeeMaws and assorted other titles that nod to cultural roots, the options are endless. If she doesn’t have a strong preference, it could be fun to sit down with a list like this one and go over it together. I cannot personally endorse “Insta-Gram” (listed under “cool grandma names”) or “Gram-Cracker” (which is for some reason filed under “sassy”), but there are 73 other choices that she might love. Also, your son may very well use his toddler creativity to call her something completely random but endearing, so be prepared for that.
Link
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I am also in the crowd of people with multiple "Grandmas"--there's my late Grandma Elaine, there's my Grandma, all the great-grandmas (and I was born with four of them still living) were Grandma Lastname but one of them was Gran because she was so special to me she got a special grandma-name, and several of my great-aunts and -uncles had mothers who were still living and part of my life and happy to be Grandma Lastname. My fourth grade Sunday School teacher wanted the kids to call him Grandpa Bill instead of Mr. Nagy, and this was no problem because the entire church called him that, he was an utter delight. I also called my mom's best friend's mom Nanna, and one of the truest grandmothers I ever had was called Aunt Ellen and that was as special as any name could be.
On Friday my grandmother ran into a 3yo [and parents] in the elevator in her building who asked her:
3: Are you a grandma?
G: Yes I am!
3: What's your name?
G: My name is Grandma Lastname! What's your name?
3: Logan.
G: Hi, Logan, what are you up to today?
3: We're going to the park!
G: Oh, what's your favorite thing to do at the park?
3: I like the swings!
G: ME TOO
3: Okay havva good day Grandma Lastname!
G: You too, Logan!
At no point did the parents gasp that he could not call her that because he had other grandparents--and upon hearing the story I did not say, "He has to call you Mrs. Lastname because you're not HIS grandma, you're MY grandma." Kind, caring people are a boon in life, some of them are old and feel comfortable with a special name because of it.