(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: I am the 18-year-old daughter (and third child) of parents who are going through a divorce after being together for 36 years. I need your insight on this because I am unsure.

My father has always craved physical love and affection, whereas my mom is more like a cat who prefers separation and independence. Even with these differences, things used to be good between them. That was until Mom decided she wanted to stop having sex due to her age and no longer enjoying it. (She also quit drinking, which he didn't like.)

My father was very upset with this and claimed it was abuse if she didn't make love with him, since "that's how people show love." He also stated she should "be more fun" by drinking with him. Mom tried to keep the family at peace and be the person he wanted her to be for a few years, but finally decided she could no longer do it. He moved on very quickly -- my father is already with another woman, even though he and Mom aren't officially divorced yet.

I've always taken my mom's side, but this has caused my relationship with Dad to dwindle significantly. He claims I am part of the reason the divorce is happening, since I "make her feel like what she's doing is OK." Should I see his perspective as well? -- TEEN OF DIVORCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TEEN: That your father has dragged you into the marital difficulties between him and your mother is appalling. I believe it is a form of child abuse. The person whose perspective you should seek -- and I am not saying this lightly -- is a licensed psychotherapist, to discuss this entire matter. You are NOT the reason for your parents' divorce. Their basic incompatibility and your father's manipulative nature are the reasons. Please talk to your doctor about a referral NOW.

Link

Comments

[lilysea]

I think there are times it is okay for parents to say negative things to their children about the other parent, and those times are

1. when the thing is true, AND
2. when the thing is a genuine safety issue.

"We left [parent] because parent was physically hurting you/physically hurting me, you need to avoid seeking out [parent], and if you see [parent] you need to run and find a grown up or a policeman and call me."

or "I am glad that you felt safe telling me that you are LGBTQ. I support you telling [other parent] if you want to, but you need to be warned that [other parent] will make you leave home and/or stop paying for your college fees if they know."

This is NOT one of those times.