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Why are men
I am a woman in perimenopause. I struggle with brain fog, among other symptoms. In conversation, I sometimes explain what’s going on while it’s happening: “Ugh, I am struggling to remember the right word. It’s one of the symptoms of my perimenopause.” Verbalizing my experience helps me to relax and stay open during the interaction. I have noticed a trend, though: Male friends and co-workers — no women, so far — often respond with some version of: “No, that’s not what’s going on with you.” I want to say something that draws attention to the fact that they have just inserted themselves where they don’t belong. Any suggestions?
N.
Let me come back to the mansplaining after I compliment you for doing something brave and wonderful: By mentioning your perimenopause — the transition toward the end of a woman’s reproductive years, often marked by challenging physical and emotional symptoms — you are helping to destigmatize one of the most common and neglected problems facing women in middle age. It also helps you to cope!
Now, these male friends and co-workers are certainly off base, and probably annoying. My hunch is that many of them think they are complimenting you by arguing that you couldn’t be perimenopausal: You’re too young for that! (I know — ageist as heck, and symptoms can begin as early as the mid-30s.) Their intentions are also no excuse for denying your actual experience, whether that includes brain fog, hot flashes or mood swings.
Try to be patient, if you can: “I’m afraid you’re wrong. I can send you some information about it.” It’s an unfair burden, but it may be more useful here to increase awareness of the issue than to smack down a few mansplainers. (You may disagree!) I also urge women to talk to their employers about accommodations for debilitating symptoms and to explore with their doctors whether treatments, such as hormone replacement therapy, may be helpful.
Link
N.
Let me come back to the mansplaining after I compliment you for doing something brave and wonderful: By mentioning your perimenopause — the transition toward the end of a woman’s reproductive years, often marked by challenging physical and emotional symptoms — you are helping to destigmatize one of the most common and neglected problems facing women in middle age. It also helps you to cope!
Now, these male friends and co-workers are certainly off base, and probably annoying. My hunch is that many of them think they are complimenting you by arguing that you couldn’t be perimenopausal: You’re too young for that! (I know — ageist as heck, and symptoms can begin as early as the mid-30s.) Their intentions are also no excuse for denying your actual experience, whether that includes brain fog, hot flashes or mood swings.
Try to be patient, if you can: “I’m afraid you’re wrong. I can send you some information about it.” It’s an unfair burden, but it may be more useful here to increase awareness of the issue than to smack down a few mansplainers. (You may disagree!) I also urge women to talk to their employers about accommodations for debilitating symptoms and to explore with their doctors whether treatments, such as hormone replacement therapy, may be helpful.
Link
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