Dear Abby: Blowing one's nose at the dinner table, y/n?

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: Could you please explain why so many people blow their noses at the supper table? You would think older folks would know better, but it seems like they are the worst offenders. I see a lot of this in restaurants or the cafeteria. I not only consider it rude but also gross.

Why can't people excuse themselves from the table and leave the room to do it? I generally go to the ladies room or, if I'm home, go into another room. My mother and brother do this -- and it's disgusting! What is your view on this? Maybe you could teach some of these folks some manners. -- GROSSED OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Please don't think you are alone with your frustration because I'm asked this question a lot. I agree that listening to someone honk like a migrating goose is unpleasant. That's why the rule of etiquette states that those who need to clear their heads excuse themselves from the table. If someone must perform this function at the table, it should be limited to tiny dabs with a tissue to prevent a drip.

Comments

[cereta]

Something a little lighter ;).

I confess, I blow my nose at the dinner table, and yes, even in restaurants. I sometimes have a near-constant sniffle, and if I left the table every time I had to blow my nose, I would be up and down through the whole meal. Now, I'm talking fairly light, erm, incidents, not "honking like a goose" or excavating my entire sinus regions; if I have a situation that dire, I don't go out, and I usually don't eat at the table for fear of infecting my family. But dude, allergies and chronic sinusitis...they are what they are.

(This is to say nothing of the effects of spicy food, or of horseradish, which I love, but which does clear the sinuses.)

[the_rck]

I'm also thinking of all the meals we have while sitting in places where getting up from the table requires three other people to move each time.

[vass]

This, and also places where "leaving the room" means a long procession past all the other diners in the restaurant or otherwise drawing more attention or causing more inconvenience than one would by blowing.


And also access needs -- in addition to what cereta said about allergies and chronic sinusitis, some people are slow or painful or unsteady walkers, or need assistance to leave the table.

[jadelennox]

I feel the same way about this that I do about the awful Ask a Manager answer where she agreed with the LW that people who fart in the office are being rude. Dude, I dunno about your body, but my body has a metabolism and gas and snot and all the mechanisms of the human body. Stop being a twelve-year-old and acknowledge that some people have bodily functions.

[vass]

As someone with IBS who, as a young child, got shouted at by a teacher for farting in class -- "YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE TOILET" -- about ten minutes after he had announced that no more people were allowed to go to the toilet that period... yes.

[sathari]

I second this comment and the one above mine entirely. If I left the table to blow my nose every time I needed to (so that I can, you know, breathe while my mouth is full of food) I would be getting up and down every 2-3 bites of food or so at most meals. (My upper respiratory tract is just that sucky; in fact, I consider it an improvement that I no longer have to use Breathe-rite strips, menthol rub, AND cough drops most nights or risk waking up with my nostrils so plugged that no amount of blowing will clear them.)

[madripoor_rose]

I'd say fancy manners. An expensive restaurant outing or a big dinner party with people you want to impress...yeah, excuse yourself to the ladies room if at all possible.

Just family at home? Let 'er rip!

[amadi]

If other people can hear it then it shouldn't be done when they're eating. this was taught to me as a small child. Hearing other people's snot and phlegm extractions has put me off my food more than once.

[shirou]

If it's just a family dinner at home, do whatever your family is comfortable with. In my house, we consider a head cold punishment enough. We don't further punish the ill person by making them get up every 30 seconds to blow their nose.

In pretty much any other circumstance, you should excuse yourself to blow your nose.

[deird1]

Never, ever heard this mentioned as being bad manners.

[havocthecat]

Miss Manners or Dear Abby or whichever particular keeper of the habits has never been through an allergy season in my house. If she can cope with anything even resembling my histamine responses, then she can maybe tell me about how to handle my sinuses at the dinner table.