Dear Abby: Teenagers, Doctors, and Privacy

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I am the mom of two sons, ages 13 and 14. When I took them for their annual physical last summer, their pediatrician said this would be the last year I would be in the room while he examined my sons.

I don't understand why I should have to leave if my children are OK with my being there. My sons are comfortable with me, and I am an only parent. It seems to me that more and more rights are being taken away from parents. Am I out of line for feeling this way? -- EXAM ROOM OFF-LIMITS

DEAR OFF-LIMITS: Yes, if you trust your sons' doctor, which I hope you do. By ages 13 and 14, your sons are maturing into manhood. As their hormones and bodies change, they may have questions and concerns they would be more comfortable -- and less embarrassed -- talking to a male doctor about than their mother. Privacy in the examination room would give them the chance to do that.

Comments

[cereta]

I am honestly posting this to see others' responses, because I am not at all sure how I feel about it, but the comments on the site seem pretty...definite.

[the_rck]

There are actually HIPPA issues about kids older than eleven and revealing information to their parents. Last year when my twelve year old daughter dislocated her knee, I could schedule appointments for her but could not, after scheduling, find out when they were scheduled for if I forgot or who she was supposed to see.

Our pediatrician says that they need her to sign a form every year in order for them to be allowed to tell me anything at all and that it's required that I leave the room for a few minutes in case she has things she wants to bring up without me hearing.

Of course, I can still sign a form to have her entire medical record released to a third party...

My impression is that the regulations are intended to give kids time to deal with reproductive health/sexuality issues, substance abuse issues, depression, etc. without risking parental wrath. It's just safer for the doctors and their staff if it's a blanket thing rather than them having to make a judgment call each time. I'm not convinced it does what it's meant to, however, because forcing an adolescent to sign that release is likely to be pretty easy because parents hold a lot of power outside of the doctor's office.

I'm also uncertain how they can bill anything without telling the insurance company (and thus the primary insurance holder) what services were provided.

[cereta]

That's interesting. My kid is only nine, so I haven't run into that yet. I will admit, not being able to see on the clinic system web site when her appointments are is going to make life interesting. I will have to be double-plus careful to get things in my calendar.

[ambyr]

As a side note, if you're picking up prescriptions for your pets at a regular pharmacy, it can be a good idea to set their age as one year when you set up their record and periodically reset it . . . because a lot of pharmacies don't have separate systems for humans and animals, and if their age gets high enough, you can get locked out of their record to protect their privacy.

[redbird]

One thing that occurs to me is that they can bill for an annual check-up, or testing required for summer camp, or a flu shot and not mention "and we asked whether the patient felt safe at home" or that the annual check-up included discussion of condoms.

[moem]

As far as I know, it's spelled HIPAA. I'm mentioning this because it's way easier to do internet searches with the correct spelling.

[moem]

they may have questions and concerns they would be more comfortable -- and less embarrassed -- talking to a male doctor about than their mother.
Or any doctor, really.
And having to ask their mother to leave might very well already be embarrassing. Because it indicates that there is something 'private' coming up.

So yeah, I concur with Abby here. This is not about taking a right away from the parents, this is about giving one to the children, now that they are teenagers.

[xenacryst]

Only thing I'll add is that it's prolly a good idea to talk to your kids about the whole deal. And by whole deal, I mean, really, everything - not just what to expect out of the doctor visit, but also about changing bodies and hormones and peers and ... everything. It's not just for them, though that's a big part of it, but it's for you, too - if you know what page your kids are likely on, you'll feel a lot more comfortable sending them out by themselves to meet a doctor or a party.

[minoanmiss]

Because I'm a terrible person, I wonder if her kids are really okay with her presence. They may be! .... but they may not be.

I think this is a good idea, to give kids a chance to talk to their doctors without their parents present. Ask me again in five years what I think, though (when my little roommates are 16 and 14). :)

[likeaduck]

I work in a sexual health clinic for youth as young as 13, so my opinions are maybe clear *g*. I would note that the LW says she's being excluded while the doctor examines her sons, which may mean she's there for all of the appointment except the physical exam, which really doesn't fulfill any of the privacy pieces re: information given to parents so I actually don't necessarily feel the doctor is going far enough in that realm. I'd be more on the side of excluding the mom from the appointment by default, then checking in with the kids if they'd like her around for any parts (and lots of people *want* a support person during their physical exams).