Dear Pay Dirt: We Are Millionaires. My Husband Insists We Can’t Afford This “Luxury.”

[jadelennox]

[Note from poster: Sometimes you start reading a pay dirt column and you get to the answer and you think dear god that must be Athena because in a million years I cannot imagine Elizabeth writing those words. And it turns out you are right, self!]

Dear Pay Dirt,

My husband and I live in a home with large lot that requires a lot of upkeep.

Neither of us enjoys yardwork, and my preference would be to hire it out. We are both well-compensated attorneys who work 60-hour weeks; time is far more precious to me than money. But my husband says paying someone else is a “waste” and that we “can’t afford it.” (We are literally millionaires). He insists on doing everything himself, for hours every Saturday, grumbling and snappish the entire time because I’m not helping. He also expects a lot of praise for the upkeep, but it’s actively something I would prefer he not do. I would much rather he spend time with the family or recharge his batteries while we pay a gardener a handsome living wage. Do I have to help? How much credit should he get for something I hate that he’s doing anyway?

—I Didn’t Ask for This

Dear I Didn’t Ask For This,

It sounds like he’s doing this out of pride. He’s proving to himself that he can still maintain his yard and home without needing anyone, despite how wealthy he is. That would also explain why he demands credit from you and feels as though he’s not getting enough of it. Whatever the reason, you don’t have to agree with him about the best way to approach this. But you’ve done what you can to convince him to hire landscapers. In the meantime, you might try a different tactic: Offer him a little support.

I would ask him how he would like you to contribute besides helping with the yard work itself (since you’ve offered to pay for it on your end and he’s refused). Does he want you to bring over some water bottles when he’s outside working? Would a nice lunch break together help him feel better about this situation (mind you, of his own making)? I’m not saying that needing constant reassurance from you about a situation you’ve offered to solve isn’t frustrating, but a little reassurance and support can go a long way. Maybe then, he’ll even see the light and come around on those landscapers.

—Athena

source

Comments

[movingfinger]

The 60-hour-weeks seem to be a part of the problem here, really.

If the tiny amount of free time this guy has is spent on yard work, and he apparently doesn't actually enjoy yard work for its own sake but does it because he wants the class cred that doing his own yard work brings, although it exhausts him, he could try working five or six fewer weekly hours and doing a little each evening in a puttering way.

I agree that pointing out his hourly rate is far more than a crew of three or four landscapers, even skilled ones, might be one way to get through to him. Otherwise, LW will just have to wait for the heart attack. (Although finding the landscapers who won't weed the groundcover out of existence and trim everything into bowling balls is so hard, so the LW needs to know about that challenge.)

[purlewe]

I only think that losing 5-6 hrs might be hard as the firm will add up your hours at the end of the year and they will come down on your head and refuse to give you bonuses or equity etc