if this is the only sexist thing the teacher has said, and my daughter isn't coming home talking about all the things she can't do because she's a girl
Here is the thing, though, such comments like the ones the teacher made give the implicit message "Moms are expected to show up." If a kid was listening, they didn't hear "Mom can't do X" they heard "Moms are expected to show up more at school." If the comment was "I feel like I never see you around here Mom & Dad!" then the implicit message becomes "parents are expected to show up more at school." And if one parent is showing up at school more than the other? No need to even say anything. A simple "nice to see you again" is fine. We should not be rewarding fathers for being active fathers in their kids' lives - that should be the expectation, the same way it has been the expectation that moms are active mothers in their kids' lives for generations.
I get it - I have also blurted out things without thinking and had regret, too, but I also don't think a follow up “I’m sure you meant well, but as a working mother who wishes she could be in two places at the same time, your comment about not seeing me around hit me hard." is the end of the world, either. A simple "Thank you for letting me know. A lot of our kids come from two income families. I apologize for the impact my question made on you. From what darling $Kid'sName has told me, you and your partner are doing a great job, mom! I will be sure to stop asking this question going forward" is all the response that is needed.
If the teacher did realize she was in the wrong - really no reason to grovel. If she didn't - also no reason to grovel.
no subject
Here is the thing, though, such comments like the ones the teacher made give the implicit message "Moms are expected to show up." If a kid was listening, they didn't hear "Mom can't do X" they heard "Moms are expected to show up more at school." If the comment was "I feel like I never see you around here Mom & Dad!" then the implicit message becomes "parents are expected to show up more at school." And if one parent is showing up at school more than the other? No need to even say anything. A simple "nice to see you again" is fine. We should not be rewarding fathers for being active fathers in their kids' lives - that should be the expectation, the same way it has been the expectation that moms are active mothers in their kids' lives for generations.
I get it - I have also blurted out things without thinking and had regret, too, but I also don't think a follow up “I’m sure you meant well, but as a working mother who wishes she could be in two places at the same time, your comment about not seeing me around hit me hard." is the end of the world, either. A simple "Thank you for letting me know. A lot of our kids come from two income families. I apologize for the impact my question made on you. From what darling $Kid'sName has told me, you and your partner are doing a great job, mom! I will be sure to stop asking this question going forward" is all the response that is needed.
If the teacher did realize she was in the wrong - really no reason to grovel. If she didn't - also no reason to grovel.