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Couple Quarrels Over Piece Of America's Shameful Past
DEAR ABBY: I am a Hispanic-American woman who has been married to my husband for three years. He was born and raised in North Carolina. He's a wonderful person. We both share a passion for antiques, and we love researching and learning about the past. My husband is white, and he grew up in times of segregation. He feels comfortable sharing and showing stuff from that time.
A year ago, we watched the movie "Green Book" about the travel guide published from 1936 to 1966 for African American travelers to use when discrimination was widespread. After that, he became obsessed about buying a copy of an actual Green Book and, regardless of my concerns, he did.
We recently bought a Victorian house built in 1900 and have been excited about renovating it and keeping it as close as possible to the original style. We have also enjoyed buying antique furniture to recreate that time in our home.
My husband bought an old wall phone and hung the Green Book on it. I expressed to him how uncomfortable this makes me, but he insisted on hanging it in the sitting room. When one of my friends comes over, I try to hide the book, but my husband finds it and hangs it back on the phone.
I wasn't born in America, but I am a naturalized citizen and familiar with the sad period of segregation the book represents. What do you think about this? Am I too sensitive to the issue? Should I just take the book and place it in the trash? -- OFFENDED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR OFFENDED: What is your husband's motivation for having and displaying the book? He may be a wonderful man, but he is insensitive to your feelings. Because you have already told him how uncomfortable it makes you, it is beyond inconsiderate that he would hang the Green Book in your shared sitting room.
Resist the urge to destroy it, but when friends come over and inquire about the book that is so prominently displayed, don't hesitate to tell them -- in plain, unvarnished language -- how you feel about it. You are entitled to your feelings.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2843449
A year ago, we watched the movie "Green Book" about the travel guide published from 1936 to 1966 for African American travelers to use when discrimination was widespread. After that, he became obsessed about buying a copy of an actual Green Book and, regardless of my concerns, he did.
We recently bought a Victorian house built in 1900 and have been excited about renovating it and keeping it as close as possible to the original style. We have also enjoyed buying antique furniture to recreate that time in our home.
My husband bought an old wall phone and hung the Green Book on it. I expressed to him how uncomfortable this makes me, but he insisted on hanging it in the sitting room. When one of my friends comes over, I try to hide the book, but my husband finds it and hangs it back on the phone.
I wasn't born in America, but I am a naturalized citizen and familiar with the sad period of segregation the book represents. What do you think about this? Am I too sensitive to the issue? Should I just take the book and place it in the trash? -- OFFENDED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR OFFENDED: What is your husband's motivation for having and displaying the book? He may be a wonderful man, but he is insensitive to your feelings. Because you have already told him how uncomfortable it makes you, it is beyond inconsiderate that he would hang the Green Book in your shared sitting room.
Resist the urge to destroy it, but when friends come over and inquire about the book that is so prominently displayed, don't hesitate to tell them -- in plain, unvarnished language -- how you feel about it. You are entitled to your feelings.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2843449
no subject
If there were a real historical link - if he were preserving memorabilia from the family that had owned the house for example - this race issue would be somewhat alleviated. If there were ANY connection beyond the fact that the house was already in existence when the book was published, that would at least make it more understandable, though still awkward. In the absence of that it's so weird that it's actually alarming: nobody is sure if it's meant as performative anti-racism or as a threat! Which is the opposite of the effect you would want of you were after cookies, obviously, so if that's what's behind it he must have amazingly bad judgement.
no subject
Yes this so much this!
This discussion had me interrogating my own reaction, not least because I recently wrote an entry about disgust and politics, but I don’t find this situation disgusting but * worrisome *. I am not getting any positive messages out of his actions here.
Sent from my iPhone
no subject
(and if the underlying disagreement is that Husband doesn't want to whitewash over segregation in their historical project, and LW thinks being reminded of racism when studying history is uncomfortable, I don't think I want LW on my side.)
(but also a Green Book is not even slightly Victorian. Get a shelf of vintage W.E.B. du Bois books or something, many of which were deliberately marketed to white folks too.)
no subject