conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2023-06-20 05:22 pm

Bad advice, bad advice, bad advice!

Dear Prudence,

I work in a small office. My co-worker, “Jon,” recently broke up with his boyfriend who seemed paranoid and controlling. If Jon ever had to stay even 30 minutes late he would become very anxious and start receiving a barrage of texts and calls. “Bruce” even started calling our office randomly to make sure that Jon is there. This was the last straw and Jon broke up with him.

I typically order and receive supplies for the office, so when an envelope showed up, I opened it without a second thought. It was full of photos of Jon in bondage. I thought this was some revenge porn and threw it away immediately without telling anyone. Weeks later, I learned over after-work drinks that Jon is angry with his ex for not returning some personal belongings and is considering taking him to small claims court, but that Bruce swears up and down that he already returned these items. I think this may be the envelope I threw away. Should I tell Jon what happened? I would be so humiliated if someone at work saw my personal photos. In a sense, I think that’s what Bruce likely wanted. He didn’t put a name on the envelope and just addressed it to our office, so anyone could have opened it.

—Letter Opener


Dear Letter Opener,

If your theory is right, Jon is correct that his controlling boyfriend never returned the items to him. Sending something to a person’s office in an envelope that doesn’t have a name on it doesn’t count as returning! By keeping quiet about what you may or may not have opened, you save your colleague from humiliation and you let him proceed with holding Bruce accountable. Most of all, you deny Bruce the satisfaction of knowing that Jon’s co-workers saw his private photos. And keep in mind, you don’t even know for sure if the photos are the belongings he was talking about. So don’t say a word.

I understand the desire to help John, who has been through a lot. But the best way to do that is to continue to be a good friend to him—listening to him over after-work drinks, offering to pick up any tasks that might lighten his load, and letting him know that you understand how much he’s going through and are happy to see that he’s removed himself from a terrible situation.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/06/photos-coworker-revenge-dear-prudence-advice.html
redbird: closeup of me drinking tea, in a friend's kitchen (Default)

[personal profile] redbird 2023-06-20 09:58 pm (UTC)(link)
It seems unlikely that those photos are what Jon was going to sue over. Even if he could sue for "make him give back all his photos of me," he'd have to be very specific to avoid Bruce saying "OK, fine, I didn't realize it mattered, here they are" and give him only half the photos. Or even go into court and "I want a witness that I'm returning these. Please inspect these photos, Your Honor."

That's separate from the fact that if, almost certainly, these are digital photos, there's no equivalent of demanding the negatives.