Miss Manners: Calling the police on neighbors doesn’t count as ‘ignoring’ them

[petrea_mitchell]

That was the actual headline.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our new neighbors are well-known for being troublemakers. We are maintaining a cold and distant relationship with them, due to their famously disrespectful ways, and we have already been warned they are gossiping about us because of this.

I had to request intervention from the police due to them constantly blocking the entrance to my garage. I need to know if there is something polite I can write in my social media feed, which they follow, to the effect of, “The original homeowners are always remembered for their excellent behavior, respect, good boundaries and friendly relations -- things that the new owners are completely lacking.”

We are ignoring them, but they haven’t forgotten my call to the police and are constantly gossiping that we are the bad ones.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette will sanction your ignoring the new neighbors you so dislike -- or, when forced to interact with them, keeping your relations merely civil -- if we can agree that attacking them on social media and calling the police on them cannot be fairly called either cold or distant.

Miss Manners recommends actually ignoring them because it requires so much less effort -- and because civilities fail once the attacks begin.

Comments

[ashbet]

The LW is sanctimonious as hell (and has absolutely not been “ignoring” their neighbors), but having your driveway/garage repeatedly blocked does merit some kind of intervention.

The desire to cloak it as an “etiquette” or “respect” issue is transparent bullshit on the LW’s part, as well as their desire to make passive-aggressive social media posts.

(If I’m blocked in, I literally can’t leave the house, so I have some sympathy there — but the LW sounds overall awful.)

[cynthia1960]

LW is an absolute piece of work, for sure. We also know nothing about the general neighborhood and the levels of parking and traffic problems. I wonder if this is a suburb where there are lots of cars and only so much street parking (I grew up in one of them).

[lilysea]

Yes, on multiple occasions, I had to call the Police and the Local Council Rangers about my neighbours blocking our (very long, very steep) shared driveway at my old house - because it meant that I and my power wheelchair could not get past to my house when I was coming home from medical appointments.

I couldn't just talk to the neigbours before calling the authorities because

a) I didn't have their phone number; and

b) they had a very large, very aggressive dog in their front yard, so I couldn't knock on their door without risking being physically attacked by their dog.

But, in general, I think it's better to talk to people before you call police/the local council if you can. And this goes 1000x more in the US, where the Police seem to be so prone to shooting people.

[cynthia1960]

LW: what, I can’t even. You took the conflict level to “launch missiles on sight” when the cops came at your bidding. But then again, I live in a city with a long history of wielding police force against anyone marginalized. Folks in my neighborhood are actively looking to find ways to deal with conflict that isn’t immediately causing bodily harm that keeps cops out of the mix.

[minoanmiss]

Word.

[ashbet]

“Call the police” is absolutely the last recourse, and escalates the situation to nuclear levels.

[sporky_rat]

"Call the police" is for when the neighbors are actively attacking each other with weapons, not blocking the driveway.

(I did call the police on my neighbors who were attacking each other with weapons.)

[jadelennox]

I called a tow truck when my neighbors blocked my driveway (after first asking up and down the block if anyone knew whose car it was). Though I felt like shit when they turned up halfway through the tow, because honestly I'd almost rather deal with a cop than with the towing companies around here, which are all mobbed up to hell and back.

[cynthia1960]

Our local police were actually pretty freaking worthless when we had *actual drive by shooting* taking place; they spent more time after the incident blaming the neighborhood. They are truly a last resort measure, unlike our fire and paramedic personnel.

[lilysea]

"Call the police" is for when the neighbors are actively attacking each other with weapons, not blocking the driveway

on multiple occasions, I had to call the Police and the Local Council Rangers about my neighbours blocking our (very long, very steep) shared driveway at my old house - because it meant that I and my power wheelchair could not get past to return to my house when I was coming home from medical appointments.

I couldn't just talk to the neigbours before calling the authorities because

a) I didn't have their phone number; and

b) they had a very large, very aggressive dog in their front yard, so I couldn't knock on their door without risking being physically attacked by their dog.

But, in general, I think it's better to talk to people before you call police/the local council if you can. And this goes 1000x more in the US, where the Police seem to be so prone to shooting people.

[feast_of_regrets]

I can well imagine that the neighbors are also jerks, but "their famously disrespectful ways"? LW is so caught up in their neighborhood turf war hobby that they can't even hear how insufferable they sound. And that's before we get to calling the cops, a subject on which I agree with everyone who's already posted, and writing in to Miss Manners to ask for help in composing their social media nastygram.

[julian]

"...I need to know if there is something polite I can write..."

Dear LW:

No.

[jadelennox]

That's my favorite part! "Is there a way I can burn them on social media, letting all of facebook know that these people are terrible even though it's nobody's business, while still feeling like the polite and civil person?" I mean, you've answered your own question, LW.

[cynthia1960]

*applause* Insert GIF of Captain Liam Shaw from the third season of ST: Picard here.

[cereta]

I have some sympathy for LW, because we've faced this exact problem and got to the point of threatening to call the city on our neighbors, but JFC, LW, what possible good do you think a social media post will do?

[shirou]

Did LW even try asking the neighbors not to block the garage before calling the police? Or was LW too "cold and distant" to make a civil request?

We are ignoring them, but they haven’t forgotten my call to the police and are constantly gossiping that we are the bad ones.

False dichotomy! Everyone in this story sounds awful.

[conuly]

Well, everybody here sounds just charming.