I think I see why this woman is estranged or semi-estranged from her entire family

[conuly]

Dear Annie: My ex-husband died several weeks ago in hospice. We have a daughter together who fell out with him years ago and has not seen or spoken to him in at least 10 years. In the meantime, our son and a daughter he had from a previous marriage had been taking care of him, and my son was doing all his yard work, too.

So, when the older daughter called our daughter to tell her he did not have long to live, she drove 15 hours to see him for the last two hours of his life. The issue is, she brought some guy with her who no one had met and brought him in the room as her father died.

My son was so mad at her and was so uncomfortable with a stranger in the room that he could not get close to his father like he wanted to, to hold him while he died. I think that bringing the man there was totally uncalled for and really rude on her part.

She said she needed a support person. No one else brought a "support animal" to his death bed. She may as well have brought popcorn, too. I haven't seen this man for 15 years, and this makes me upset. What do you think? -- Upset in Maryland

Dear Upset in Maryland: Try to see things from your daughter's perspective. Her estranged father is dying. That is painful. It makes sense that she wants someone there to support her, hold her and comfort her while she struggles with some undoubtedly very complex feelings.

I don't see how this man's presence gets in the way of your son holding his father while he died. That seems to be a choice your son made on his own. Perhaps he is hurting and looking for someone to blame. You should encourage your children to come together in this time of grief, rather than looking for reasons to push them farther apart.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2805099

Comments

[conuly]

Annie says what I would've said, but let me be clear here: it seems very unlikely that Daughter actually brought a stranger with her to visit her father on his deathbed.

No, Daughter brought a friend or a partner, somebody important to her, but somebody her mother and siblings didn't know about; which makes me think that she's not in close contact with any of these people and if this is how they act, I don't blame her. I hope she limits contact even more if they fail to remove their heads from their collective ass.

[fox]

“Support ANIMAL”?!

[lethe1]

Also, why does LW equate bringing someone for support with bringing popcorn?!

[summerstorm]

I guess LW thought the stranger was there out of some voyeuristic desire to watch someone they'd never met... die? Which is literally the most boring thing in the entire world unless you're having a breakdown over it, which is also awful? Is LW rich. Does LW have servants they also see as props or as an audience. Wtf.

[conuly]

It'd be boring even without having to take a 15 hour trip first.

[conuly]

Side note, I do know what LW means by "bringing popcorn", although, like you, I don't see why they think that comment is at all relevant - but nevertheless, as this is a side note, I'm just going to say that I really did eat my lunch directly over my mother on her final day, because they called us and said "We don't know if you have time to get here..." and it turns out that we did, actually, have time to get there even if we'd stopped and eaten breakfast first. It took hours, and me being hungry wasn't going to make it better, so fuck this woman and her bullshit.

[summerstorm]

I got caught up in that part, too. If that's how her family reacts when she brings friends or partners over, it's no wonder she stopped bringing herself over too.

[petrea_mitchell]

Maybe she thinks "support animal" is a jokey way of saying supportive person?

[conuly]

Just gonna say, if she had shown up with a support animal because of known mental health issues, it'd still be disrespectful to be so snide about it, even if you thought it was inappropriate.

[ashbet]

Yep — someone important to the daughter helped her with the 15-hr (!!!) drive and came with her to support her in her complicated grief and dealing with estranged family.

And her mother called him an animal.

Yeah, I’d go back to being estranged, after that family performance.