Dear Prudence: The Emperor Has a Foot

[ermingarden]

I just started a new job. It’s at the same company as a casual friend of mine (her husband and mine work together and hang out sometimes), but I didn’t see any problem with that. She was a bit funny about it when she heard I had applied, but we aren’t that close so I wasn’t really worried. It turns out the reason she was odd is because she’s a diabetic who lost her lower leg to complications from the disease. At least, she is from 9 to 5. For the record, I’ve seen her in shorts and swimming and she has no add-on limbs. It’s all factory issued.

I don’t know why she lied. Or how she kept this lie up (I am positive I would immediately stub my “prosthetic” and give myself away). I do know it’s not my business at my new job to get involved in whatever weirdness is going on. I’m just pretending I don’t know a thing. (It’s something that has been referenced by a number of people regarding her at the job. It’s not one person with the wrong end of an anecdote. Plus my co-worker limps and uses a stick at work.)

My question is how to handle this socially. Do I tell her I know? Should we both just pretend we are different people at work like Severance? Can I/should I tell my husband? Technically it’s not his business, but it’s such a weird thing I kind of feel he should know about it. It’s such a bizarre thing for this previously quite unremarkable, and indeed pleasant, woman to have done. I have no idea how to respond to it, but it’s such a BIG WEIRD LIE it seems equally weird to just ignore it.

This is totally something you can talk about with your husband. At home, with your spouse, is the perfect setting to rant and rave about things that are not your business. Do nothing else.

Re: The Emperor Has a Foot: Tell your husband about this immediately. I would be furious if my wife withheld a work story as hilarious and bizarre as this. This is literally what marriage is for, to speculate wildly about what is wrong with other people you know.

Enthusiastic cosign! This is the kind of story that keeps the spark alive.

Re: The Emperor Has a Foot: She is definitely 100 times as stressed about it as you. She may be so humiliated she doesn’t even know what to do, especially if this is just the very normal practice of taking a “sick day” pushed to an extreme. If you don’t hold it against her and want to know more, you could just find ways to signal to her that you don’t hate her now and are prepared to be understanding, and maybe she’ll confide in you and everyone involved can relax a bit.

Yes, it’s safe to say this woman is in a crisis of some kind and could use a friend! This is a very thoughtful idea.

Re: The Emperor Has a Foot: I would also speak to a lawyer—there is some chance this person is committing a form of disability fraud, and if it comes out, the letter writer should know whether or not they could be liable.

Come on, really?? No. I cannot give legal advice but if I could, as an inactive member of the bar in two states who hasn’t practiced in forever but still has common sense, I repeat: No. This is not a concern.

Comments

[ermingarden]

I'm 100% in agreement with Prudie that disability fraud isn't a concern here – and even if the woman without the prosthetic leg were breaking the law, someone in LW's position wouldn't be potentially liable.

Beyond that, I am utterly baffled!

[lilysea]

Yeah, as a Disabled/Chronically ill person I'm torn between

"Is there any possible way that LW could have misunderstood?"

and

"Aaaargh! People faking disability make things so much harder for the rest of us"

[ashbet]

Seconded. Disability fraud is *incredibly* rare -- they make it hard enough/impossible for actual disabled people to access benefits as it is.

I wouldn't put too much stock in "person uses cane/limps at work" versus "seems okay at home" -- whether or not I'm limping or using a wheelchair varies by day and by what I've had to do. I'd ABSOLUTELY be limping after a day with too much time on my feet.

Obviously, a prosthetic is either there or not, but I kind of wonder if this was "person got desperate because they needed an extended medical absence or an accommodation at work, and came up with an incredibly ill-advised story to explain it."

Lying to your employer is not the same thing as state/federal disability benefits fraud, and while I certainly don't condone faking a disability (it really does make things worse for those of us with actual disabilities), this is not something that the LW would be legally liable for, and contacting a lawyer or other authorities with no basis to assume that this woman is committing benefits fraud is wayyyyy out of the LW's lane.

[ermingarden]

The possibility that the coworker was using a cane at work, was asked by a nosy colleague why she used a cane, panicked, told a weird, impulsive lie about a prosthetic leg, and then just ended up digging herself deeper into the hole is as plausible as any other.

It's so easily disproven that it doesn't seem likely it was a deliberate lie in order to get accommodations from the employer, but I can see it as a weird thing she said on the spot and then...well, there's really no way to say "Actually, I wasn't telling the truth when I said I had a prosthetic leg" that isn't excruciatingly awkward.

That said, the coworker could be a pathological liar! Or there could be some other, equally bonkers explanation.

[ashbet]

Yeah, it has that "panicked lie" feeling to it.

It's certainly possible that the coworker is a pathological liar (in either a mental-health-issue sense or a malignant, manipulative sense), but this is so WEIRD that I really have to wonder.

[melannen]

I feel like the next time you see her socially you need to put her out of her misery and tell her that as far as you're concerned that's none of your business and you won't be snitching. She must be absolutely terrified of you atm. But also, acknowledging it is none of your business, you are desperately curious, how does that happen??

And then share the answer with us.

[ashbet]

This is a letter where I'm DYING for a follow-up!!!

[jadelennox]

This is the correct answer, but also,

Tell your husband about this immediately. I would be furious if my wife withheld a work story as hilarious and bizarre as this. This is literally what marriage is for, to speculate wildly about what is wrong with other people you know.

is 1000000 percent correct. And thus, the corollary, as you said, SHARE THE ANSWER WITH US.

[tielan]

So she has all her limbs, but...has told people she's a diabetic who's lost her lower leg to complications from the disease?

I have questions. I mean, I think LW should just go on with casual friend/colleague as though nothing is happening (although I'd definitely end up ranting to at least one family member). BUT. I HAVE QUESTIONS.

[oursin]

I'm starting to wonder, just to complicate the thing further, whether the 'prosthetic leg' story is something somebody else at work made up, or misunderstood, and put into the rumour mill and now she can't get rid of it? (having seen various stories on Ask a Manager when people did put weird stories about people's health/relationships/etc about the workplace).

[ermingarden]

That occurred to me, too! I think it would make sense only if the coworker were unaware of the rumor, as the presence or absence of a prosthetic limb seems a pretty easy rumor to dispel (especially as a woman, if this is an office job – just wear a skirt to work and let everyone see for themselves).

[ethelmay]

I am now evolving increasingly bizarre theories about SEKRIT IDENTICAL TWINS.

[watersword]

YES. Tragic avalanche backstory? Hot-air balloon accident? I need the writer's room for All My Children to contribute to this discussion immediately.

[roaratorio]

this was absolutely a storyline on Coupling ahahaha

[watersword]

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