Ask a Manager: A kid is making our customers uncomfortable

[minoanmiss]

I’m the manager at a small independent bookstore. We have a healthy community of regular customers who have gotten to know our staff. Most of our regulars are very fun people who myself and the staff are excited to see.

However, there is one customer who fills us with a bit of dread. They’re a kid, around 11 from my best guess. They come into the shop once a week or so and sit on the floor towards the front of the shop reading a graphic novel which they have not purchased. Their parents are almost never with them, although occasionally we will see their father.

There are other repeat visitors who are children. These kids keep to themselves and are respectful of others. The issue with this child is that they will harass other customers — following them around talking about books, asking for people’s phone numbers, never taking no for an answer. My staff have received several comments from other customers about this kid.

But because they’re an unaccompanied minor, the staff don’t feel comfortable asking them to leave. The kid has also burst into tears several times from their father trying to set boundaries. I know there isn’t a clean solution for this but I’d love to know if you have any advice.


You’ve got to say something to the kid the next time you see it happening! For example, “You’re welcome to sit in here and read quietly, but you can’t bother other customers when you do. The means you can’t follow people around, ask for their phone numbers, or try to talk to them when they’re shopping. Okay?” Use a kind but firm tone — think camp counselor, teacher, or children’s librarian. If they cry, explain that they’re not in trouble and you’re very happy to have them in the store but they have to follow the rules.

And then if it still keeps happening: “Hey, you’re breaking the rules we talked about so we need you to leave for today.” (If it’s not a situation where kicking them out would be safe, you could instead ask them to sit quietly near the front — where they can be observed — until they’re picked up.) If they cry, say they’re welcome to come back another time when they’re ready to follow the rules.

But also, if you see the father before this is resolved, talk to him! Explain the situation and that if his kid is going to come to the store unaccompanied, he needs to follows the store rules.

Comments

[conuly]

This isn't hard. If the child is okay to be in a store unsupervised, then they're just as okay to be sent away from the store unsupervised. That, of course, is the sensible rule the NYPL follows, except for children who really should not have been left alone in the first place.

[melannen]

Hmm. That is not the rule our library follows - largely, I think, because we are not in the middle of NYC, so if they are kicked out of the library, they may have literally nowhere else to go - no way to get home, no way to contact anyone, and no other place with a roof willing to let them stay without paying money. In some of the libraries in my system, not even any way to leave the library property on foot without crossing busy roads without a pedestrian crossing. On days with nice weather we might ask them to go out on the grounds for awhile to get their energy out, but that won't help if the problem is them hassling other customers.

We still happily kick out teenagers during the day, but anyone under the age of 13 we're not kicking them out of the building without an adult, and even up to age 18 if they're here when we close and don't have a way to get home, a staff member has to stay overtime until they do (which sometimes means calling the police to give them a ride. We are very hesitant to call the police here, but "provide a ride for unaccompanied minor after dark" is one where we sometimes have to, and usually it turns out the police already know their address by heart :( )

My advice to LW is that if it gets to the point where you would kick out an adult customer and you don't feel like it would be safe to ask them to leave, you tell them they will either need to leave or call someone to pick them up, and offer them your phone to do it. Sometimes they can't be picked up but calling a parent is enough to make them realize they really do need to stop and you can let them stay a little longer. And at that point, you definitely make sure to speak to the parent the next time you see them, if you can, about how the kid is on the verge of being banned from the place.

(It sounds like the parent does come in with the kid sometimes so speaking with them should be an option. If the parent is never seen, and the kid can't/won't call them, and they're still being continually disruptive, and asking them to leave isn't a safe option, that's when you might have to consider calling the police, or the warm line/social services line if you have one. Calling social services on a kid isn't great either but at some point it's that or making them stand out in the cold rain for hours.)

[green_grrl]

I mean, at least when the father is around he’s trying to set boundaries. It seems like a roll of the dice anymore whether a parent would get in your face instead about daring to try to control little Murgatroyd’s bad behavior in any way. (In which case a private business can happily show both of them to the door and roll eyes at the inevitable Yelp roasting later.)