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agonyaunt2022-12-07 06:17 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2022-12-07 06:17 am
Entry tags:
Ask a Manager: Two Updates
Content Advisory: Child Endagerment and Bathroom Gender Issues.
updates: my coworker left her baby in the car while she worked ( original post here
I temporarily put aside any decisions to call DCFS. It was an impossible situation. I fully understand both sides of the argument, and there’s no right answer as could clearly be seen in the comment section. Ultimately I felt the immediate danger had passed and I trusted my manager to hopefully ensure this particular scenario wouldn’t have a repeat, so I decided to only call if I saw further problems.
I mentioned in the comments that Cora can be prickly in general and isn’t really my biggest fan. I don’t know why. Given that and the fact that I wasn’t actually present for the incident, I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything directly to Cora. I very purposely participated in the gossip the following days hoping that if I could guide the narrative towards safer options they would reach her ears eventually, and that maybe it would stick in my other coworkers’ heads to show better judgement and speak up if something similar ever happens again.
Since then there were a handful of times Cora’s childcare fell through and she brought the baby into work, keeping him in his carrier behind the desk or taking him into a back office as time allowed. The rest of us all did our best to rally and and give her flexibility during those days. Then about a month ago Cora was let go. Our industry is healthcare-adjacent and she shared private client information in a way that blew up spectacularly. Our manager’s hands were tied.
Cora blocked me on all social media, but other coworkers that she didn’t dislike say she got a job waiting tables. I wish her the best and really hope her new employers will be accommodating if she has childcare issues while working there.
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update: how should we respond to complaints about a non-binary guest in the bathrooms? (original post here )
Based on your and your readers’ advice, we reframed our thinking regarding possible future complaints. We made a conscious effort to train our staff who may possibly be receiving or investigating any complaints to ask the right questions and enable them to distinguish complaints about what someone was doing from any that may be about who they were. By doing this, the potential problem and our staff’s concerns about handling it became a much smaller deal than we originally thought. It sounds simple when you put it like that and, truthfully, it was.
We included a statement in our check-in literature which read “Everyone welcome! Teapot Resorts does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, ability, veteran status, or citizenship. We welcome guests to use the restroom that is consistent with their gender identity. Taking pictures, filming, or otherwise putting other guests’ privacy at risk in the restrooms and/or private areas is strictly prohibited.” This was included with other information on resort policy as if it were as non-controversial a statement as the office hours or pet leash rules.
Of the five resorts I manage, including the one where our non-binary guest is staying, I had next to no pushback from any of our staff. One person questioned the necessity of publishing the statement wondering if it were “poking the bear,” and one other older gentleman reportedly told his coworker that he didn’t personally agree with it, but in the course of his official duties has followed it to the letter.
We had an extremely busy summer, with a higher than average number of guests and received exactly zero complaints about anyone in the bathrooms, and I truly believe the statement acted preventatively. We literally had a single negative response, a guest who didn’t say anything during his stay, but sent a long, angry rambling email after the fact complaining about the policy on behalf of his wife and all other “real” women. Interestingly, he never referred to her by name, only as his Wife, as if that were her identity, and we did not hear from her at all. By contrast, we had a handful of guests who positively commented on the policy, both those who were directly impacted by the policy and those who were not but generally approved of it. By far the most common reaction was no reaction at all, which was a very pleasant surprise.
It is easy to see that having a non-discrimination policy, ensuring all of our staff knew how to talk about the issue, and making our guests aware of it neutralized not only our staff’s concerns over dealing with complaints but also made the majority of our guests (regardless of their own gender identity) feel more comfortable and safe in our facilities. Overall this experience definitely resulted in a net positive for our company in a lot of ways, including public perception and staff retention.
My sincere thanks to you and all of your amazing readers who took the time to comment and share their own experiences and things that worked for them. Through the advice received we were able to turn this potential mountain into a molehill.
updates: my coworker left her baby in the car while she worked ( original post here
I temporarily put aside any decisions to call DCFS. It was an impossible situation. I fully understand both sides of the argument, and there’s no right answer as could clearly be seen in the comment section. Ultimately I felt the immediate danger had passed and I trusted my manager to hopefully ensure this particular scenario wouldn’t have a repeat, so I decided to only call if I saw further problems.
I mentioned in the comments that Cora can be prickly in general and isn’t really my biggest fan. I don’t know why. Given that and the fact that I wasn’t actually present for the incident, I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything directly to Cora. I very purposely participated in the gossip the following days hoping that if I could guide the narrative towards safer options they would reach her ears eventually, and that maybe it would stick in my other coworkers’ heads to show better judgement and speak up if something similar ever happens again.
Since then there were a handful of times Cora’s childcare fell through and she brought the baby into work, keeping him in his carrier behind the desk or taking him into a back office as time allowed. The rest of us all did our best to rally and and give her flexibility during those days. Then about a month ago Cora was let go. Our industry is healthcare-adjacent and she shared private client information in a way that blew up spectacularly. Our manager’s hands were tied.
Cora blocked me on all social media, but other coworkers that she didn’t dislike say she got a job waiting tables. I wish her the best and really hope her new employers will be accommodating if she has childcare issues while working there.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
update: how should we respond to complaints about a non-binary guest in the bathrooms? (original post here )
Based on your and your readers’ advice, we reframed our thinking regarding possible future complaints. We made a conscious effort to train our staff who may possibly be receiving or investigating any complaints to ask the right questions and enable them to distinguish complaints about what someone was doing from any that may be about who they were. By doing this, the potential problem and our staff’s concerns about handling it became a much smaller deal than we originally thought. It sounds simple when you put it like that and, truthfully, it was.
We included a statement in our check-in literature which read “Everyone welcome! Teapot Resorts does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, ability, veteran status, or citizenship. We welcome guests to use the restroom that is consistent with their gender identity. Taking pictures, filming, or otherwise putting other guests’ privacy at risk in the restrooms and/or private areas is strictly prohibited.” This was included with other information on resort policy as if it were as non-controversial a statement as the office hours or pet leash rules.
Of the five resorts I manage, including the one where our non-binary guest is staying, I had next to no pushback from any of our staff. One person questioned the necessity of publishing the statement wondering if it were “poking the bear,” and one other older gentleman reportedly told his coworker that he didn’t personally agree with it, but in the course of his official duties has followed it to the letter.
We had an extremely busy summer, with a higher than average number of guests and received exactly zero complaints about anyone in the bathrooms, and I truly believe the statement acted preventatively. We literally had a single negative response, a guest who didn’t say anything during his stay, but sent a long, angry rambling email after the fact complaining about the policy on behalf of his wife and all other “real” women. Interestingly, he never referred to her by name, only as his Wife, as if that were her identity, and we did not hear from her at all. By contrast, we had a handful of guests who positively commented on the policy, both those who were directly impacted by the policy and those who were not but generally approved of it. By far the most common reaction was no reaction at all, which was a very pleasant surprise.
It is easy to see that having a non-discrimination policy, ensuring all of our staff knew how to talk about the issue, and making our guests aware of it neutralized not only our staff’s concerns over dealing with complaints but also made the majority of our guests (regardless of their own gender identity) feel more comfortable and safe in our facilities. Overall this experience definitely resulted in a net positive for our company in a lot of ways, including public perception and staff retention.
My sincere thanks to you and all of your amazing readers who took the time to comment and share their own experiences and things that worked for them. Through the advice received we were able to turn this potential mountain into a molehill.
no subject
On #1, the discussion was a rehash of the original discussion, which had two very distinct sides: on one side were the people who thought the only answer was to call the police and CPS right away, and who accused those on the "think for a minute, talk to Cora, consider the impact of whatever you decide" side of actively wanting children to die in hot cars. I was going to go pull out quotations but realized I'd just upset myself.
To be honest, it reminded me of the abortion debate, where one side does not care why someone would have an abortion and only wants to prevent and punish anyone who does, while the other side considers that everyone who needs to stop being pregnant has an individual story and individual help they could use. I'm pretty sure if I'd said that it would have gotten deleted.
And then we have the overall wonderful second update, where by having a compassionate attitude and doing some thinking, planning, and employee training, the LW has come up with an excellent and fair solution. I hope their resorts become known as safe places until the time safe places are no longer needed because everywhere is safe.
no subject
I'm remembering reading alt.parenting back in Usenet days, and one thread discussing car seats where one person said "look, we always fasten our baby in, but on one occasion we were out and about when the baby had a massive blowout that left their clothes and carseat covered in effluvia, and we decided it was less risky overall for one of us to sit in the back seat holding the baby than for the baby to scream in discomfort for the 15 minutes it took us to get back home", and several other people were going "you should have CPS called on you and have your baby taken away; you're child abusers". I would have made the "well, kid's going to have to suffer in the poopy seat until we're home" call myself, but I can totally get that someone would've weighed the risks and made the other call. And that's not even getting into people who don't have cars and therefore might not have car seats but find they need a ride with their kid!
no subject
She didn't own a car, so she didn't have a car seat for her newborn. The hospital supposedly has a policy that all newborns must leave physically in a car seat*. So they wouldn't let her leave with the baby. She was young, unmarried, and Black, and signed away her rights under extreme pressure.
* My first child was born at that same hospital. They did not check to see if we had a carseat, and I was allowed to walk out of the hospital holding the baby in my arms, no evidence of a carseat in sight. I was a married white person. Pretty sure that affected the hospital's decision to allow me to walk out with my baby and to steal that other mother's baby. I'm just saying.
no subject
Thank you for noticing. I mean that sincerely. WAY too many people would say, "So IIIIIII got to leave with my baby so SHE MUST have done something WRONG."
That poor young woman. My heart hurts.
no subject
no subject
The main birthing hospital in my city has a "you can't leave with a newborn without a car seat policy"
but if parents don't have a car seat, the hospital has a thing where the Red Cross will rent them a car seat for a small token fee.
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hm. I wonder if I can find out if the hospital still has this policy, and if so, suggest this solution to the patient ombudsman
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When they're an adult, if that kid wants to do DNA testing to try to find their birth parents, I would be happy to buy them a test.
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I hope they are OK. I'm not in touch with the parents anymore -- we were coworkers -- and I do not miss them in the slightest, but I often worry about that kid.
no subject
Some people really enjoy being inflexible and feeling righteous. Ugh.
no subject