Care & Feeding: My sister sang a CREEPY LULLABY to my baby

[minoanmiss]

Dear Care & Feeding:

I have a 4-month-old daughter, “Matilda.” Like most infants, she’s wonderful, but also a little handful, so I’ve been very fortunate to have family who is both able and willing to step in and help. Somewhat surprising was an offer to help from my older sister, (She’s 35, I’m 29) “Harriet.” She has been pretty openly child-free and never really seemed to like kids, but last week she offered to watch my daughter when I had to run out for some errands.

I went, errands were done, Harriet didn’t report any issues, and when I got back she was even singing to my daughter. Specifically, I heard her sing “Twinkle twinkle little brat. I will feed you to the cat.” We do not in fact have a cat, and it was sung in the same sort of calming, singsong voice twinkle “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” is usually sung in.

Needless to say, this sparked an argument between us, and our husbands got pulled into it as well. Harriet’s of the position that it doesn’t mean anything, a child that young doesn’t understand words anyway, and she got bored singing the same lines over and over again. I don’t want her near my daughter anymore, but a lot of my family thinks I’m overreacting. Am I? I don’t actually think she’ll mistreat my child or feed her to a cat, but I think her attitude towards children is enough to not leave mine with her anymore.

—Possibly Overreacting

Dear Possibly Overreacting,

I am genuinely sorry to you for the way I laughed when I read this question. I know this felt like a violation of the way you view your beloved child, and I know you are only looking out for your child’s best interests. But some people are more precious about kids than others, and it sounds to me like you and Harriet are just very different in that respect. Some people see childhood as a time of sacred innocence, to be protected at all costs. Others view children just as slightly smaller people who are sometimes assholes. Neither POV is wrong, but just because someone doesn’t treat children as sacrosanct beings does not mean they would ever hurt one, or even that they hate them.

Even people who don’t particularly like children are still capable of understanding and respecting their importance in your life because they love you. If Harriet is someone who doesn’t like being around children, it makes her offer to babysit even more meaningful. She’s willing to do something she doesn’t enjoy as an act of service and love to you and your child. She is willing to sit and sing to your—admittedly somewhat difficult—baby for long enough to get tired of the song, despite the fact that it’s not really her thing.

Your baby doesn’t know what lyrics Harriet was singing. All she saw was a person who was caring for her and singing to her in a soothing voice. As long as Harriet is a good person and you trust her beyond her dark sense of humor, I wouldn’t make too much of it.

—Emily

Comments

Creepy Lullabies Requested

[minoanmiss]

I know Seanan jotted down a couple...

[conuly]

Half the traditional lullabies I know involve babies being fed to wild animals, abandoned in the woods, or otherwise left to die.

LW is very much overreacting here. However, this is par for the course for parents of infants, especially *first time parents of infants*. People can get so intense about everything during those months.

[jadelennox]

Neither POV is wrong, but just because someone doesn’t treat children as sacrosanct beings does not mean they would ever hurt one, or even that they hate them.

In fact, people who do see children as innocent pure beings can be horrific abusers for any number of reasons. Which is not to say that they are likely to be -- most people don't suck! But specifically, nether viewpoint makes you any safer around kids.

[annotated_em]

Okay, but I want to know what comes after feeding the infant to the cat, lyrically speaking. Given my own feline overlords, it would be something like "Then he'll hurk upon the mat / And you'll make a mighty splat" but I'm curious to know where Harriet was going with this whole filk.

[ambyr]

I used to sing “The Ballad of Mack the Knife” (and not the more sanitized translation that hit it big on the radio in the 50s) to my niece when she was a baby, because it’s one of two songs to which I actually know all the lyrics. I am extremely grateful that her mom just gratefully accepted someone else was calming the baby and never made a moment’s fuss that I was singing about rape and murder (and I did stop before she started talking, heh; now she’s stuck with The Circle Game if she wants singing to).

[lethe1]

A-ha! So *that* is why Harriet suddenly offered to babysit! She had nefarious plans! I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that LW came back just in time so Harriet's plans were thwarted.

[jerusha]

My brother and SIL were this precious about their kids, and it hasn't gotten any better. I'm hoping the niblings regress towards the mean and turn out to be fairly decent humans. But since I'm Harriet in this situation, all my sympathies to her.

[movingfinger]

A moment of awe here at a new mother so hashtag blessed that she can fire a free babysitter without worrying about finding another, just because she doesn't like their lullabies.

[mommy]

Isn't half the fun of babysitting actual babies just being able to sing nonsense songs and horrendously out of place songs to an audience who won't know the difference?

[hyperfocused]

Not a song, more of a rhythmic rhyme, but my mom, and two older siblings regaled me with “Fudge, Fudge, Call the Judge,
Mama’s got a brand new baby.
Wrap it up in tissue paper,
Throw it in the elevator,
First floor, stop,
Second floor, stop.
Third floor, toss it out the door.
Mama hasn’t got a new baby anymore.

[xenacryst]

Sleep my child and monsters eat you
All through the night
They will know just where to greet you
All through the night

Tiny forks and tiny knives
Good for eating tiny lives
Served up with some chopped up chives
All through the night

[serafina20]

Not a lullaby, but we frequently serenaded my baby sister with "Bottle of Wine" by Fireballs.

I just always remember that scene from Three Men and a Baby, where Tom Selleck is reading the car magazine to the baby in soft tones. It's not what you say, it's how you say it that matters.