Care & Feeding: I got passed over for being my sons' basketball coach

[minoanmiss]

I Got Passed Over for Coach of My Sons’ Basketball League. And I Know Why.

I’m a mom of 6-year-old twin boys who are starting to play basketball. Their team needed a head coach and I volunteered, but I was denied in favor of a random dad. I played four years of college basketball, and I know the game inside and out, but instead they went with a beer-bellied 40-something guy who probably can’t tie his shoes without getting winded.

He offered to have me join as his “assistant,” but I declined because it felt like a slap in the face. I know this is all because people don’t think a young woman can coach boys basketball, but why is it that men can coach girls without any issue? We all know the answer to that.

My question is should I pull my sons from this team or should I bite my tongue and let them play?

—Shattered Hoop Dreams



I’m not trying to tone police you, because it’s obvious that you’re upset—but you’ll lose allies in this fight if you resort to low blows like fat shaming.

In any case, yes, you’re right—I think it’s ridiculous that you’ll rarely see women coaching boys in sports leagues across the country. Pioneers like Becky Hammon, who became the first full-time female assistant coach in NBA history back in 2014, should’ve proven to the masses that women can coach the highest level of men’s professional basketball, but sadly misogyny is still a big problem in America.

Speaking of Hammon, she started as an assistant to one of the greatest basketball coaches of all-time in Gregg Popovich of the San Antonio Spurs. I’m not saying the head coach of your sons’ team is anywhere close to the coaching acumen of Popovich, but maybe being an assistant coach isn’t such a bad idea after all. Yes, I understand that it’s a blow to your ego, but you can use this opportunity to show your sons and their teammates that women should be respected as leaders on the basketball court. Not to mention, by proving how great you are as an assistant, you’ll be on the short list of candidates when another head coaching job becomes available.

Is it fair that someone with your basketball experience has to start off as an assistant? Of course not. Marginalized people like us often have to work twice as hard as everyone else to get the same opportunities. However, that doesn’t mean you should take your ball and go home. Use this slight to fuel you as you show the league what you’re made of.

As the great comedian Steve Martin once said, “Be so good they can’t ignore you.” And “they” in this instance means every male basketball player and coach you come in contact with from this point forward.

—Doyin