agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for nearly six years. We have a very good relationship and have three grown adult children between us. Four years ago, my daughter and his daughter-in-law had children -- I will call them "Timmy" and "Jenny."

My grandson Timmy is autistic, but doing well with speech therapy and special education (preschool). He has his challenges, but we are supportive and encouraging. Jenny is and always has been a chatterbox. She was a good little girl until she turned 4. Her parents buy her anything and everything she wants, and she's allowed to run the show.

Recently, we watched her overnight, and I was upset with her for calling my husband an old, fat man and a punk, in addition to trying to manipulate us as she does her parents. Discipline to curb her smart mouth is frowned upon, and laughed off. My husband has spoken to his son about this twice. It has changed nothing. I don't feel it's my place to scold and discipline, but if she's in my home, I think she must behave respectfully. Abby, please help with any advice. -- FRUSTRATED NANA IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NANA: That little girl is 4. By failing to teach their daughter consideration for the feelings of others, your husband's son and daughter-in-law are doing Jenny a disservice. By the time she's 6, she'll be as welcome as a polecat at a picnic. You have every right to make and enforce the rules for what goes on in your home. Jenny should not be permitted to call your husband (or anyone, for that matter) nasty names, and unless she apologizes, you should not babysit her.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2734088

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, it does sound like annoying behavior, but the kind that you guide kids for, not punish them. "Okay, being silly is fun, but that didn't sound funny to Grandpa. Can we think of some goofy things to say that are funny for everyone?" And then start cheerfully talking nonsense. Or say "It sounds as if you have lots of energy and need something to do with it," and suggest an activity that will wear them out a little bit.

Though if she wasn't being silly, just matter-of-factly stating that her grandfather is old and fat, that's a different thing. I might mostly ignore that, or I might at some point seize an opportunity to try to explain why Grandpa doesn't like that.