Dear Abby: Weight and Travel

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My family and I are all travelers. Recently, some issues have arisen with them about the way they regard my mode of travel. They prefer flying versus driving. I don't. Because of my size.

I can't fit into an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt without an extender. I'm always worried that I'll be forced to buy an extra seat or won't be allowed to fly because of my weight, and it is stressful. I have tried for years to lose weight, but have gotten only to the point where I'm maintaining my weight.

I fit comfortably in my car. I can get the seat belt buckled, and I don't have to inconvenience other passengers.

My family is now trying to discourage me from taking future trips with them because I won't fly. They claim it's because I'm single and normally travel by myself. I'm in my mid-30s and have traveled solo for years. Any suggestions on how to help them understand my choice? -- FRUSTRATED SOLO HEAVY TRAVELER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your family may be doing this in an attempt to "encourage" you to work harder at losing weight. However, if you are more comfortable traveling by car, then that's what you should be doing.

Comments

[cereta]

I can't quite parse the quotation marks around "encourage." From anyone else, I would say there is sarcasm and implied criticism of the family's (alleged; very much alleged) passive-aggressive attempt to get the LW to lose weight. But this is Abby, who never misses an opportunity to work in a lecture on weight, so I'm confused.

[shirou]

I interpreted the quotation marks a bit more neutrally. I think Abby used them because the alleged encouragement is implied and passive aggressive, not direct, positive encouragement. I don't think Abby's use of quotation marks signifies a criticism of that tactic.

I also was expecting a lecture on weight. Abby's response was unhelpful but not harmful or mean-spirited, which probably makes it one of her best.

[ambyr]

I'm honestly having a hard time working out exactly what the issue here is. "My family is now trying to discourage me from taking future trips with them because I won't fly. They claim it's because I'm single and normally travel by myself. I'm in my mid-30s and have traveled solo for years." just doesn't parse no matter how many times I turn it around in my head. I don't understand their claimed reasoning and I don't understand her rebuttal to it.

In general, if she's more comfortable driving she should drive. And if her family is more comfortable flying, they should fly. If they're all going to a drivable destination, great, they can meet up once they're there. If the problem is that her family likes going overseas and she doesn't like flying . . . well, it's fair to say, "Hey, guys, could we do some trips I can come on, too?" but it's decidedly not fair to ask that other family members not travel abroad just because LW doesn't like flying.

Nothing in the letter implies to me that her family is thinking about her weight at all.

[cereta]

That's Abby for you: never misses an opportunity to work in a plug for weight loss.

[havocthecat]

I don't even know if this is actually a woman. There's nothing in the letter to indicate gender, and it's a fairly non-gender-specific problem.

[vass]

I don't understand their claimed reasoning and I don't understand her rebuttal to it.

If LW is a woman (gender isn't mentioned, but if) then I parse that as "my family are trying to discourage me from doing long-distance drives on my own because it's too dangerous without a male guardian, and I might be robbed or assaulted on the way. I'm in my mid-30s, and have traveled solo for years without whatever they fear happening to me, so it sounds like they're concern-trolling."

[ambyr]

Ohhhh. Okay. I can see that reading. I parsed it as, "My family is claiming that because I'm single and frequently travel by myself, and thus get plenty of opportunities to travel, I shouldn't need to travel with them."

[redbird]

I suspect the family is saying something like "well, you're single, so you're not used to compromising on plans, we should all go where and how the majority wants," when they're tired of never going further than reasonable driving radius.

I'm imagining people who live in the Northeast and want this year's family vacation to be on the west coast, rather than another trip to Virginia or Maine or at furthest Chicago. The brevity of these letters doesn't help: it might in fact be anything from "what's wrong with you, are you afraid to fly?" to "yes, Cape Cod was nice this time, but everyone else wants to go to Yosemite next year, and if you won't fly we'll go without you."

[shirou]

That's how I read it too, but the letter is definitely vague. I wonder if this is a case of poor editing.

[vass]

LW wanted suggestions on how to help their family understand their choice. Abby's response was to helpfully explain that their family may be doing this deliberately, then graciously give LW permission to do what they had already stated they would be doing. Abby did not offer suggestions on how LW might help their family understand their choice.

I don't like Abby.