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DEAR ABBY: I have known my friend "Aaron" since first grade. Our relationship hasn't been the same since COVID broke out. He hardly ever connects with me unless it's on social media. He refuses to get together with anyone or leave his house.
Things haven't been easy for him because he lives alone. He used to live with his brother, but since his brother's death a few years ago, Aaron hasn't been the same. I'm upset with him because instead of telling me, he told my best friend about his brother's death. When we discussed trying to get together again, he initially said he wanted to wait until the stay-at-home order was lifted. When that finally happened, he announced he didn't want to get together until COVID had died down and it was considered safe.
Abby, I feel hurt and betrayed. I understand Aaron's concerns about COVID and the risks involved, but I don't like being lied to. I feel he deceived me by telling me one thing but really meaning another. I think he should have been upfront and honest with me from the start.
I value our friendship, so I'm not willing to throw it away just yet. Aaron is no longer talking to me, and our relationship is ruined. Am I wrong to feel this way? I'm unsure about what steps to take next. -- HURT GUY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR HURT GUY: You didn't mention whether Aaron is socializing again with others. It's possible that since his brother's passing he has realized how fragile and unpredictable life can be, and is taking every precaution. I think it would be healthier for you if you stop obsessing about him and begin forming other friendships. If Aaron is no longer talking to you, the "steps" you should take are in the opposite direction.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2724356
Things haven't been easy for him because he lives alone. He used to live with his brother, but since his brother's death a few years ago, Aaron hasn't been the same. I'm upset with him because instead of telling me, he told my best friend about his brother's death. When we discussed trying to get together again, he initially said he wanted to wait until the stay-at-home order was lifted. When that finally happened, he announced he didn't want to get together until COVID had died down and it was considered safe.
Abby, I feel hurt and betrayed. I understand Aaron's concerns about COVID and the risks involved, but I don't like being lied to. I feel he deceived me by telling me one thing but really meaning another. I think he should have been upfront and honest with me from the start.
I value our friendship, so I'm not willing to throw it away just yet. Aaron is no longer talking to me, and our relationship is ruined. Am I wrong to feel this way? I'm unsure about what steps to take next. -- HURT GUY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR HURT GUY: You didn't mention whether Aaron is socializing again with others. It's possible that since his brother's passing he has realized how fragile and unpredictable life can be, and is taking every precaution. I think it would be healthier for you if you stop obsessing about him and begin forming other friendships. If Aaron is no longer talking to you, the "steps" you should take are in the opposite direction.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2724356
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He didn't lie. He changed his mind. LW skips the part where he explains what led to Aaron no longer talking to him -- is this just a drifting apart thing, or did he blow up in his face and make these accusations?
Also, telling the best friend about his brother's death could be just simply that the best friend asked, said the right thing that unlocked something Aaron was having difficulty with saying, etc. It's not a slight upon the friendship, necessarily. I end up telling more casual friends stuff I haven't told my closest friends yet because I wear my heart on my sleeve: it's easy to tell when I'm holding something back, and people often ask -- and thus receive the information they asked for. LW isn't clear about the timescale between the death and the telling, at all.