I wish that people felt safer communicating with their partners about things like this — there is no universal “amazing technique” that works on everyone’s body, sexual response is very individual, and it’s not actually a criticism to ask for what feels good to you.
No one is a mind-reader — I thanked a partner who I’d been with for quite some time, when they asked if I’d stay really slow and gentle during an activity where most people tend to increase speed/intensity toward the end, because it was overstimulating FOR THEM.
That frankness allowed me to be a better lover and partner to *this individual person*, because I wasn’t going to argue that other people liked it another way, and opened up a lot of leisurely, non-orgasm-chasing play that we both really enjoyed.
I genuinely am grateful that my partner gave me the info I needed to make sex better for both of us.
(We always had an excellent and mutually-enjoyable sex life, this just made it even better, because I had the info I needed on what felt best for this particular activity.)
And I’m someone who has gotten overall very complimentary feedback on being “good in bed,” but part of that is a willingness to be open to talking about it without shame, and being open to change without bruising my ego.
I hope the LW can broach this gently and frame it in positive terms, and that their partner takes it in the spirit of open communication and mutually improving their sex life as a couple.
no subject
No one is a mind-reader — I thanked a partner who I’d been with for quite some time, when they asked if I’d stay really slow and gentle during an activity where most people tend to increase speed/intensity toward the end, because it was overstimulating FOR THEM.
That frankness allowed me to be a better lover and partner to *this individual person*, because I wasn’t going to argue that other people liked it another way, and opened up a lot of leisurely, non-orgasm-chasing play that we both really enjoyed.
I genuinely am grateful that my partner gave me the info I needed to make sex better for both of us.
(We always had an excellent and mutually-enjoyable sex life, this just made it even better, because I had the info I needed on what felt best for this particular activity.)
And I’m someone who has gotten overall very complimentary feedback on being “good in bed,” but part of that is a willingness to be open to talking about it without shame, and being open to change without bruising my ego.
I hope the LW can broach this gently and frame it in positive terms, and that their partner takes it in the spirit of open communication and mutually improving their sex life as a couple.