Abby gives terrible advice

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: I come from a large, close family. The majority of them live in another state. A couple of family members live in the same state I reside in. One night, my uncle came over and we were hanging out having drinks. We both drank too much and at some point, he started to kiss my neck. I told him to stop because he is family, and he did. Luckily, nothing more happened. The next day he texted and called profusely apologizing. I have been hurt, sad and angry ever since. He wanted to talk about it, but I didn't.

We still see each other at family get-togethers since there are only a few of us out here. I haven't told anyone, and it's hard to keep this to myself, but I'm afraid that if I say something, it could cause a rift in my family. How do I get through this without hurting them? Should I confront him and tell him how this made me feel? Should I confide in a family member? Or must I just pretend it didn't happen? -- EMOTIONAL IN ARIZONA

DEAR EMOTIONAL: Do not pretend it didn't happen. Because you feel the need to get this off your chest, tell your amorous uncle how hurt, angry and violated you felt by what he did. I see no reason why you should announce this to the family for the reason you mentioned. However, do not see him alone or drink with him again.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/dearabby/2022/08/10

Comments

[melannen]

It would depend on knowing more about the uncle and the family, I think, because mentioning the specifics might turn into more than you wanted to deal with because of the nature of the topic - and I supposed it's possible he was so utterly off it he forgot who you were - but at minimum, LW, even if you really think this was just him being drunk and stupid, it's probably still a good idea to tell both him and the family that you don't trust him drunk and he shouldn't either because some of the things he does drunk that he deeply regrets later, and avoid him in any circumstances where there's alcohol.

(Usually people who don't completely change when drunk - but he does seem to have apologized without prompting, so he realizes he shouldn't have done it; even if he secretly thinks what he did is ok, he's using alcohol as an excuse, and you should still avoid him and alcohol at the same time.)