![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Dear Abby: Kids v. TV
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single father raising my four children alone. My problem may seem trivial and minor, but it's extremely taxing for me. My kids refuse to stop talking during my very brief television/movie time.
I work full time and take care of them by myself, and my two-hour escape via a movie or TV show is constantly interrupted. When I point out that what they are doing is rude and even disruptive, I am met with accusations that I "don't care about them" or "You love TV more than me." They somehow turn my anger around to their benefit. Please help. -- ME TIME IN FLORIDA
DEAR ME TIME: Welcome to parenthood! It's a 24-hour-a-day job, seven days a week.
You didn't mention how old your children are, but if they are under the age of 13, they should have a regular bedtime. Once they are in bed, you can have your "me time." However, if they are older, then accept that teenagers may need to communicate with their dad about things that are important, and it is more important to be available to them than to watch television every night.
P.S. Suggestion: Perhaps you can record or stream your shows and watch them at a later time when your kids don't need you.
I work full time and take care of them by myself, and my two-hour escape via a movie or TV show is constantly interrupted. When I point out that what they are doing is rude and even disruptive, I am met with accusations that I "don't care about them" or "You love TV more than me." They somehow turn my anger around to their benefit. Please help. -- ME TIME IN FLORIDA
DEAR ME TIME: Welcome to parenthood! It's a 24-hour-a-day job, seven days a week.
You didn't mention how old your children are, but if they are under the age of 13, they should have a regular bedtime. Once they are in bed, you can have your "me time." However, if they are older, then accept that teenagers may need to communicate with their dad about things that are important, and it is more important to be available to them than to watch television every night.
P.S. Suggestion: Perhaps you can record or stream your shows and watch them at a later time when your kids don't need you.
no subject
no subject
That said, I also find myself wondering about the layout of the living space, whether it results in the kids being atop him in the TV room. (My house has a combined kitchen/living room, which means cooking impinges on TV watching and the cook has to listen to others' TV choices. This has caused friction.)
In conclusion, I kind of want to send him a TiVo. And also encourage a discussion about how Everyone Is Entitled To Some Me Time But It Doesn't Mean I'm Not Here For You.
no subject
You're right that age matters hugely, though-- If he's got four kids, all in single digits, I'm not sure he should expect any time to himself while they're up because of how old the youngest would likely be (I'm assuming he doesn't have nine year old quadruplets). My suspicion is that the kids are older because working full time, assuming an 8:00 to 5:00 job, means that there's no time for sitting down while the kids are up because of picking them up from daycare and feeding them and getting them ready for bed. Not to mention managing homework during the school year.
no subject
I agree with this wholeheartedly.
no subject
Which means those two hours can plausibly be literally the only time those kids have to actually spend time with their dad in a social/connective way. And there are FOUR OF THEM.
Sooo . . . . yeah, sorry dude. I can see why they get hurt when you tell them to shut up. Two hours of straight uninterrupted "me time" while they are still awake is pretty much out of reach, and basically welcome to being a mom! Sorry. It's like that.
(And I am saying this as someone with ASD who gets desperately overwhelmed sometimes and desperately NEEDS me-time. Just: no. You may have to split them up, you may have to get up earlier and go to bed at the same time as the kids, you may need to stay up later, but dude, no.)
If we're talking weekly, that's more fair to say "ok guys this is dad's time out you go do something else." But daily? Sorry dude, no.
no subject
However, assuming these kids don't have bedtimes that make watching after they go to bed feasible, I don't think it's unreasonable to carve out, say, one weeknight and a few hours on whatever weekend day is the most plausible and say, "If it's not a Category X emergency, this is dad's time."
Also, depending on how old these kids are, can you not find something that at least some of them will want to watch with you? That doesn't mean you have to stop watching your shows, just that you can find something that bring you *together* on other nights.
BTW, speaking as someone who has been accused of loving her laptop more than her kid: whether you are right or wrong about the actual issue, that's a pretty classic kid manipulation. How you answer, however, depends a lot on the circumstances. In my case, it was pointing out that (a) at least some of what I do on the computer is work, and (b) it would be easier to interact with her if we either turned the TV off or at least changed it from stuff that makes me genuinely anxious and uncomfortable (she's hooked on tween sitcoms, and they rely almost entirely on humiliation-based humor).
no subject
no subject