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Dear Annie: A couple of months ago, I caught my wife of 31 years talking to a guy on her Instagram. When I asked her about it, she said they were just friends and got all defensive about it. We have a joint account that she won't use.
Now the person she was talking to messaged me and told me they are talking on a different app. When I asked her about it, she denied it. I tried to check her phone, but she changed the passcode. She's become very distant, telling me she needs space because I accused her of cheating, which I never did.
Any advice to get her to see it from my point of view? I love her with all my heart, but I really don't know if I can trust her again. -- Insecure on Instagram
Dear Insecure on Instagram: You are starting from a good place -- a place of love. Now it is a matter of openly communicating your concerns with her -- not trying to read through her phone without her permission.
I'm not sure why the person she was talking to would send you a message saying they are talking on a different app, unless you had asked him. A good couples therapist can help you close the distance that you are feeling between you and your wife.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2692801
Now the person she was talking to messaged me and told me they are talking on a different app. When I asked her about it, she denied it. I tried to check her phone, but she changed the passcode. She's become very distant, telling me she needs space because I accused her of cheating, which I never did.
Any advice to get her to see it from my point of view? I love her with all my heart, but I really don't know if I can trust her again. -- Insecure on Instagram
Dear Insecure on Instagram: You are starting from a good place -- a place of love. Now it is a matter of openly communicating your concerns with her -- not trying to read through her phone without her permission.
I'm not sure why the person she was talking to would send you a message saying they are talking on a different app, unless you had asked him. A good couples therapist can help you close the distance that you are feeling between you and your wife.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2692801
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"I caught my wife [... she] got all defensive about it". I wonder why, when you're talking about it like you've caught her committing a crime. Admit it, LW, there's something missing here and it's the fact that you flipped out.
"We have a joint account that she won't use" -- why should she? She's allowed to have things that are private from you. You don't own her.
"[...] because I accused her of cheating, which I never did" -- I'm betting this is a technicality. You may never have said the word "cheating", but you implied the ever-loving shit out of it.
Just... red flags, all over the place.
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LW, unless your wife has a past history of cheating on you,
you are massively overreacting and should see a counsellor.
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