conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2022-07-07 02:59 am

(no subject)

Dear Annie: A couple of months ago, I caught my wife of 31 years talking to a guy on her Instagram. When I asked her about it, she said they were just friends and got all defensive about it. We have a joint account that she won't use.

Now the person she was talking to messaged me and told me they are talking on a different app. When I asked her about it, she denied it. I tried to check her phone, but she changed the passcode. She's become very distant, telling me she needs space because I accused her of cheating, which I never did.

Any advice to get her to see it from my point of view? I love her with all my heart, but I really don't know if I can trust her again. -- Insecure on Instagram


Dear Insecure on Instagram: You are starting from a good place -- a place of love. Now it is a matter of openly communicating your concerns with her -- not trying to read through her phone without her permission.

I'm not sure why the person she was talking to would send you a message saying they are talking on a different app, unless you had asked him. A good couples therapist can help you close the distance that you are feeling between you and your wife.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2692801
shanaqui: Axel from Kingdom Hearts II. Text: through the fire and flames. ((Axel) Burn baby burn)

[personal profile] shanaqui 2022-07-07 07:12 am (UTC)(link)

"I caught my wife [... she] got all defensive about it". I wonder why, when you're talking about it like you've caught her committing a crime. Admit it, LW, there's something missing here and it's the fact that you flipped out.

"We have a joint account that she won't use" -- why should she? She's allowed to have things that are private from you. You don't own her.

"[...] because I accused her of cheating, which I never did" -- I'm betting this is a technicality. You may never have said the word "cheating", but you implied the ever-loving shit out of it.

Just... red flags, all over the place.

minoanmiss: Maiden holding a quince (Quince Maiden)

[personal profile] minoanmiss 2022-07-07 08:55 am (UTC)(link)
Some people take "forsake all others" WAYYYYY too literally.
lilysea: Serious (Default)

[personal profile] lilysea 2022-07-07 02:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh for fuck's sake :(

LW, unless your wife has a past history of cheating on you,

you are massively overreacting and should see a counsellor.
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)

[personal profile] azurelunatic 2022-07-07 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Run, lady. RUN.
shirou: (cloud)

[personal profile] shirou 2022-07-07 11:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Joint email or social media accounts creep me out.
ethelmay: (Default)

[personal profile] ethelmay 2022-07-08 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
My husband (of nearly 30 years) uses Instagram. I don't. I expect sometimes he - talks to people on it? like, various people? some of whom are probably women? It isn't anything I have even particularly thought about. Clearly I am Doing Marriage Rong.
torachan: (Default)

[personal profile] torachan 2022-07-08 07:58 am (UTC)(link)
Even without anything else, joint account alone = massive red flag.