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agonyaunt2022-06-27 07:31 am
petrea_mitchell) wrote in agonyaunt2022-06-27 07:31 am
Dear Abby: We sold my homeless ex-husband a van and now he lives in it, in our driveway
DEAR ABBY: I love my husband, but I’m getting tired of being a second-class citizen in my home. It started when we bought a van from a friend of mine. We talked about different things we could do with it -- fix it up a little and sell it, or use it for vacation -- but somewhere along the line it was suggested that we let my ex, “Paul,” buy it from us because he’s homeless and chooses to let everyone else take care of him.
The van is now fixed. Paul lost his job and is now living in the van -- in my driveway. The problem is, he doesn’t stay in the van. He crashes on my couch, uses my electricity, water, etc., and now eats my food. I told my husband this is not healthy for my mental well-being.
My husband and I own our own business, and Paul has now become involved in that, too. My husband says he can use the help and it gives Paul money to move. The only problem with that is my ex doesn’t use the money for bills -- he blows it on junk he doesn’t need. I’m tired of raising a 41-year-old grown man. Help! -- FED UP IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR FED UP: You are not a second-class citizen. This arrangement seems crazy. Because it is interfering with your marriage, tell your husband the situation is affecting your mental health and insist upon a deadline by which Paul will be out of there. Guests, like fish, start to stink after three days, and Paul has exceeded that by far. He has a van, so whether or not he has saved enough for a place of his own, he won’t be without shelter. Your mental health is more important than your husband having an extra hand in the business.
The van is now fixed. Paul lost his job and is now living in the van -- in my driveway. The problem is, he doesn’t stay in the van. He crashes on my couch, uses my electricity, water, etc., and now eats my food. I told my husband this is not healthy for my mental well-being.
My husband and I own our own business, and Paul has now become involved in that, too. My husband says he can use the help and it gives Paul money to move. The only problem with that is my ex doesn’t use the money for bills -- he blows it on junk he doesn’t need. I’m tired of raising a 41-year-old grown man. Help! -- FED UP IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR FED UP: You are not a second-class citizen. This arrangement seems crazy. Because it is interfering with your marriage, tell your husband the situation is affecting your mental health and insist upon a deadline by which Paul will be out of there. Guests, like fish, start to stink after three days, and Paul has exceeded that by far. He has a van, so whether or not he has saved enough for a place of his own, he won’t be without shelter. Your mental health is more important than your husband having an extra hand in the business.
no subject
LW needs to get their husband on board or at least on the same page. LW need to give ex husband a specific timeline when he needs to be out of the driveway. If that means giving him a date and a whole bunch of community resources then that is what it takes.
Once that path is set in motion they need to both give the same clear communication until the end date.
I say this knowing it is easier said than done. But if LW doesn't want their ex in their driveway they need to take those steps, document everything, and have some backup in the form of their current husband and possibly a lawyer.