Dear Abby: Gender Identity

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I am a 65-year-old cross-dresser who has a deep, burning desire to be a woman. I guess you could call me gender dysphoric. I will never realize this dream of mine, though, and I have accepted myself as I am and have learned to live with it. I am not depressed.

My situation is difficult because my wife does not approve, so I try to be discreet. Sometimes I underdress and finish my hair and makeup in the car in a park. Then I'll walk or go shopping. I like people to see me like this. Because they don't know me, I'm sure sometimes they see a man in a dress, but I don't mind.

However, I am always alone in my altered state and all the groups meet at night. I'm a daytime person, and it's much easier to get out as "Sheila" in the late mornings and early afternoons. Is there some way for me to find some groups that meet in the afternoon? Is there someone I can contact? I appreciate your help. -- JUST A DREAM

DEAR JUST A DREAM: An organization that has appeared in my column before may be helpful for you. It's the Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), and it offers not only support for heterosexual cross-dressers, but also their spouses, partners and families.

It's the oldest and largest support organization for cross-dressers and the people who love them. It promotes cross-dressing with dignity and decency, and treats spouses on an equal basis with their cross-dressers. To learn more about it, contact Tri-Ess at www.tri-ess.org.

Comments

[cereta]

Probably unnecessary NB: DO NOT read the comments on Dear Abby's site. Although I did enjoy that one that proclaimed that life was "obviously about facing every fear and mastering every weakness" (emphasis added), not about being, you know, happy.

I'm a wee bit confused by Abby's advice. Did she miss the part where the LW said they have a "deep, burning desire to be a woman"? This sounds like good advice for a cisgender man who is a cross-dresser, but that doesn't seem to be what's going on, here. Others?

[ambyr]

Yeah, I was wondering about that too :-/.

It's a tough situation all around, though. I feel for the LW, and I feel for the wife. Support groups might help, or they might just illuminate that divorce is the best option.

[vass]

Probably Abby thinks what makes a trans woman a woman is transitioning (which LW said she had no plans to do) rather than her identity.

Hopefully the group she referred LW to will hand LW on to a support group for trans women.

My advice for LW would be:
- you don't have to transition, but it's not too late if you want to, other people have at your age
- find an online support group. Maybe get a laptop or a tablet so you can go online while you're out of the house and wearing what you want to wear.
- there will be people out there who will love Sheila, and you can't make your wife happy by making yourself unhappy.

[cereta]

These are good advice points.

[minoanmiss]

*applauds*

[ayebydan]

yes ♥