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Dear Annie: My husband comes from a large blended family. His mom is married to a man he has known as his stepdad for his entire life.
Recently, our teenage daughter revealed that she's uncomfortable around this stepdad because he gropes her inappropriately while hugging and greeting her. My husband mentioned this to his mother and stepdad and politely asked that he stop. They were distant for a while, and then they started sending ugly messages about how they'd rather never speak to us again.
They have since sent messages to extended family that no one should speak to us.
It's been crickets since February 2022.
Last week, my husband's mother was in a major accident. We only found out because his sister called to tell us about it. We had no idea she was in such a state, and my husband is quite upset. Had it not been for the sister who broke ranks, he wouldn't have known.
It's his mother. He deserves to get to say goodbye to her. What should we do to at least allow him to speak to and wish his mother goodbye? -- Son Blocked From Ailing Mom
Dear Blocked Son: He should go and visit his mother as soon as he can. Try your best to put all the anger and resentment he and you have toward both of them aside, and just go visit her. Always know that your teenage daughter was right and brave to speak up about your husband's stepdad. That takes courage, and you did nothing wrong. But since his mother is not doing well, he should go visit her.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2675775
Recently, our teenage daughter revealed that she's uncomfortable around this stepdad because he gropes her inappropriately while hugging and greeting her. My husband mentioned this to his mother and stepdad and politely asked that he stop. They were distant for a while, and then they started sending ugly messages about how they'd rather never speak to us again.
They have since sent messages to extended family that no one should speak to us.
It's been crickets since February 2022.
Last week, my husband's mother was in a major accident. We only found out because his sister called to tell us about it. We had no idea she was in such a state, and my husband is quite upset. Had it not been for the sister who broke ranks, he wouldn't have known.
It's his mother. He deserves to get to say goodbye to her. What should we do to at least allow him to speak to and wish his mother goodbye? -- Son Blocked From Ailing Mom
Dear Blocked Son: He should go and visit his mother as soon as he can. Try your best to put all the anger and resentment he and you have toward both of them aside, and just go visit her. Always know that your teenage daughter was right and brave to speak up about your husband's stepdad. That takes courage, and you did nothing wrong. But since his mother is not doing well, he should go visit her.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2675775
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None of this is addressed, and furthermore... I get that this is sudden, but looking at this clearly, does he really want to make a long trip for a probably unsatisfying goodbye? He may not have time to make the choice, but it should at least be acknowledged that maybe he'd be better off spending the money he could spend on a trip on therapy or his daughter's college education or a trip to Disneyland. He can always call Mom.
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This is a minor point and maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not clear from the letter how far away (in geographic as opposed to emotional terms) LW and husband and daughter are from husband's mother/other extended family. So how much time/expense/energy/logistics/effort is involved in husband's going to (attempt to) say goodbye to his mother in person is definitely a factor.
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