Dear Abby: Oh Abby No

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: Is there any way to counter a stranger's mean or hurtful remark (racist, age-related or sexist) in a mall or store? I feel I have to say something -- without being confrontational -- even if the remark isn't aimed at me. What do you suggest? -- COMPELLED TO ACT IN OTTAWA, CANADA

DEAR COMPELLED: Because you don't want a confrontation, I urge you to say nothing to the person who made the offensive remark. However, you could approach the person who was the target and quietly say: "That was uncalled for. I hope you realize the person who said that is ignorant, and don't let it get to you."

Comments

[minoanmiss]

"Making it all about gay people". The sweet gay baby Jesus wept.

*rolls my eyes SO HARD at their allegedly 'allied' antics* You're kinder than I am.

[left_turns]

Oh, I'm not kind, I'm from Louisville. As much as we deny being part of Kentucky, I'm still enough from The South to just smile politely and let people make themselves look stupid without my help once they get started.

But I don't know, I think that there's a certain type of ally, like the "this is a human tragedy!" crowd, and the letter writer who--I guess--wanted to show some kind of solidarity or support to people who'd gone through something bad, who, even if they're really faily at it, mean well. It'd be just as easy for them to not say anything. In a lot of cases it just seems better in the long run to take the support as it's intended, because if I get cranky with them, what they're going to take away is "I tried to be nice and this cranky bi genderqueer was all mean to me!" And maybe next time they won't want to try to be so supported.

I mean, I'm lucky in that I pass for straight and female, so I don't have to keep explaining myself and explaining myself. Maybe I'd feel a lot differently about it if I did. So... eh, C+ for effort, and I'll just sort of ignore the awkward stuff they said unless they keep doing it.