agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter, "Molly," who is in her late 30s. Her father and I divorced when she was an infant, and I raised her, with help from my family, until I remarried. Her father had visitation and paid child support, but that's where it ended. Throughout Molly's life, I have taken care of all medical expenses, extracurricular activities, etc., and I sacrificed so she could have what she needed.

The problem I'm having is that she treats me badly, while her father, his family, her husband's family and members of my family are put on a pedestal. The disrespectful way she talks to me and her superior attitude have sent me into depression. She doesn't answer texts or return my phone calls unless she feels like it or wants something.

There's the possibility that I'll be coming into some money soon, and I have been thinking about changing my will and not leaving her anything. I am seeing a therapist to figure out why I can't tell her how much her words and actions hurt me. I love Molly very much, but I don't like her. Shouldn't she be the one in therapy to figure out why she treats me this way? -- MISTREATED MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: People don't usually seek therapy unless they are hurting, as you are. Don't waste your time waiting for her to seek help for something she doesn't think is a problem. Your daughter is fine with the status quo because you haven't drawn the line and demanded to be treated with consideration. I don't know if she's aware that you are about to come into money, but when she finds out, you may discover she has a sudden change of attitude.

If the money comes through, I hope you will spend that windfall on things you enjoy -- travel, cultural events, all the activities you missed out on while sacrificing for Molly. You deserve it; she doesn't. Please tell your therapist I said so. I'm quite sure your therapist will agree.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/dearabby/2022/05/06

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Possibly Molly had to work for her father's affection but took her mother's for granted, since her mother was actually being her parent. Then again, adults usually figure out the value of being cared for, so maybe the letter writer is just leaving out the important bits.

Its also possible that LW provided for Molly's material needs - food, clothes, doctor's appointments -

but completely neglected Molly's emotional needs...

Not to be a soap opera writer, but I'm wondering about that remarriage. There are some people who would classify a statement such as "You let your new husband abuse me and told me I was lying when I came to you for help" as "disrespectful".

Huh, that's something else that's missing. LW says that Molly treats her father & his family, her in-laws, and LW's relatives well; she doesn't say how Molly treats her stepfather, assuming he's still living and married to LW. Definitely missing data here.

I agree!

Like all Missing Reasons stories, the LW has made every effort to shine golden light upon their own acts, but the shadows around that are very dark.

That LW would consider disinheriting her daughter as bitterness payback shows that whatever she thinks her feelings toward her daughter have been, they have not been the unconditional motherly love she believes herself to embody.

It's also possible Molly had to work for her mother's affection, because her mother was always there and always difficult to please, but her father was just a friendly guy who showed up to shower her with unconditional love once in awhile.

It's really hard to tell from this letter.