agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter, "Molly," who is in her late 30s. Her father and I divorced when she was an infant, and I raised her, with help from my family, until I remarried. Her father had visitation and paid child support, but that's where it ended. Throughout Molly's life, I have taken care of all medical expenses, extracurricular activities, etc., and I sacrificed so she could have what she needed.

The problem I'm having is that she treats me badly, while her father, his family, her husband's family and members of my family are put on a pedestal. The disrespectful way she talks to me and her superior attitude have sent me into depression. She doesn't answer texts or return my phone calls unless she feels like it or wants something.

There's the possibility that I'll be coming into some money soon, and I have been thinking about changing my will and not leaving her anything. I am seeing a therapist to figure out why I can't tell her how much her words and actions hurt me. I love Molly very much, but I don't like her. Shouldn't she be the one in therapy to figure out why she treats me this way? -- MISTREATED MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: People don't usually seek therapy unless they are hurting, as you are. Don't waste your time waiting for her to seek help for something she doesn't think is a problem. Your daughter is fine with the status quo because you haven't drawn the line and demanded to be treated with consideration. I don't know if she's aware that you are about to come into money, but when she finds out, you may discover she has a sudden change of attitude.

If the money comes through, I hope you will spend that windfall on things you enjoy -- travel, cultural events, all the activities you missed out on while sacrificing for Molly. You deserve it; she doesn't. Please tell your therapist I said so. I'm quite sure your therapist will agree.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/dearabby/2022/05/06

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Gosh, could Molly’s “attitude” possibly have to do with her mother rubbing these sacrifices in her face and expecting a constant performance of gratitude?

(Maybe Molly is a rotten kid, and I’m projecting — but the mother comes off as very sanctimonious here.)

I was a similar sole-custody single parent who made a LOT of major sacrifices, but that’s part of the job that a parent willingly takes on when they choose to bring a child into the world.

The child doesn’t “owe” the parent for supporting them while they’re a minor, and one of the best ways to NOT have a close relationship is to keep beating the drum about having fulfilled a basic parental responsibility.

The child doesn’t “owe” the parent for supporting them while they’re a minor, and one of the best ways to NOT have a close relationship is to keep beating the drum about having fulfilled a basic parental responsibility.

The number of times my mother has given me guilt-trips about the fact that she took large vitamin tablets which were hard to swallow when she was pregnant with me...

(I think she harps on about the vitamin tablets because all of her post-birth behaviour was abominable)

The child doesn’t “owe” the parent for supporting them while they’re a minor, and one of the best ways to NOT have a close relationship is to keep beating the drum about having fulfilled a basic parental responsibility.

This! I guess the only time you need to discuss this with your child is if they are in a similarly challenging situation as a parent and are coming to you for advice. And then *drumroll* you still only give them the f*cking advice.