Dear Prudence: I don't want to recommend my friend to my housekeeper

[minoanmiss]

Be warned, I did my weekly check-in of Slate today.



A friend of mine recently asked if I would share my housecleaner’s contact details with her as she is looking for a new cleaner. But I am not sure this friend would be a good person to work for: She has mentioned numerous times how much she hates other people touching her stuff, and she has fired several cleaners because they didn’t manage to split the difference between that aversion and actually getting the house clean. I would like to explain the situation to my cleaner and ask her if she wants to have her details shared (so that she can make her own business decisions), but I do not speak her native language well enough to feel sure that I could communicate the nuances of the situation to her. I’m torn between feeling like I could be depriving her of work she would like to have, or like I’m throwing her into an unpleasant situation.

Try going for the un-nuanced approach first: Ask your housecleaner if she wants a connection to a person who is very unpleasant to work for. Something as simple as “my friend will hire you but my friend is also bad” may get the message across. You may also want to try to find an acquaintance who speaks your housecleaner’s native language better and can either help you translate or write a note for you. That’s a good way of getting into a conversation about this, if that’s what you want. But from my view, the core question for the housecleaner is “Do you want this work connection whom I don’t endorse?”

Comments

Language

[minoanmiss]

I don't think it's fair to call the friend "bad" when from what I can see what she is is anxious. That said, that wouldn't make her any better to deal with or to be employed, fired, and potentially not paid. I vote for finding a translator (IF the LW is accurately assessing her housekeeper's fluency. People often confuse an accent with a lack of comprehension.)

[movingfinger]

Thank you for your service! I can't look at Slate lately. Just. No.

A translator would be wise, or at least carefully-screened Google Translate or something. And LW should be blunt about this friend's history, like "She doesn't like her cleaners to touch her things, but she also expects them to clean, and she has fired cleaners for touching her things."

[shanaqui]

I wonder if the LW can do something to make the situation work out better, as well, rather than just trying to avoid it. For instance, suggest to their friend "hey, here are my cleaner's details; what I found really helpful to form a good solid working relationship here was to be really clear about what she can touch and what is too private".

Like, I hate people touching my teddies. If the friend has a clear idea of what they don't want the cleaner to touch, then it's easy enough to communicate that. "Don't touch my teddies, and please don't touch my desk because I have confidential papers relating to other people there. Please do clean everything else and tidy things out of your way when that makes the job easier." Tada.

I've seen enough people expect their norms to be something people can mindread. Maybe the friend doesn't like people touching her shoes, or rearranging her collection of ornaments, or maybe she loses things instantly if they get moved so things just need to be carefully put back in place... and if she can put that into words, and communicate it to a cleaner who she can also trust because she comes highly recommended, it'll all be amazing?

[green_grrl]

Why all the hoops? Friend may have lovely qualities but sounds like a nightmare to work for. I would not send anyone to her until she has worked on her issues to the point where she can clearly lay out achievable expectations and accept someone in her space carrying them out.