Dear Harriette: Surprise pregnancy not good news

[cereta]

DEAR HARRIETTE: One night can change everything. I never thought that until now. After feeling sick for a couple of days, I went to the doctor to find out why. The doctor did a bunch of tests, and finally he came back in the room. He smiled as he told me, "Congratulations! You're pregnant."

This would be a perfect dream if I weren't only 21. It would be lovely if I weren't a struggling college student with parents who think I'm an angel. It really would be enjoyable if I at least could say that I was married and I knew for sure who the father was.

I'm so scared. My parents come down in a few weeks; what do I tell them? I don't want to get cut off financially. They didn't want me to go away for college. They feared that something like this -- or worse -- would happen. I don't know if my boyfriend or a guy from a party is the father. My boyfriend and I aren't on the best of terms right now. Tired of his cheating and lying, I went to a party deciding I'd have some fun of my own. Now I'm someone's mommy-to-be. I don't know what to do. I'm too young for all of this. -- Too Young, Jacksonville, Florida

DEAR TOO YOUNG: Find out your options from your doctor. Think about what you want to do. Tell your parents immediately. Apologize for not living up to their expectations, and then ask for their support and guidance. They may be mad, but they will likely help you figure out your next steps. You must decide what you want to do with your baby. Consider all of your options carefully.

Comments

[cereta]

Unless you are sure you want an abortion, you need to talk to both men, make plans for a DNA test, and discuss options with them. You will not be able to place the child for adoption without the father's consent, and if either of you decide you want to raise the child, you need to bring up that dreaded phrase: child support. Based on what you have written, I recommend having as many ducks in a row as you can before telling your parents, because I have a feeling that they will happily take over decision-making if you let them.

(Note: I am ignoring advice like, "use multiple forms of birth control and for god's sake, us condoms before you catch something other than pregnant" because, well, too late, and I am hoping you've already learned this painful lesson.)

[recessional]

you catch something other than pregnant

Hah, this.

[cereta]

Arg, USE condoms. And it won't let me edit.

[recessional]

Oops! Sorry, that would be me commenting at you. *facepalm*

[xenacryst]

Yeah, I'm not quite so sanguine about her parents being all rational at this point as Harriette is. The don't sound like the type to look reality in the teeth and deal, but are going to find some way to make the situation worse, probably emotionally, for someone. At the very least, they're going to leave out some of her options, and while she may not feel old enough to raise a child, she's definitely old enough to take charge of her life and make it her own rather than having her parents run it for her. And, I should note, she should be wary of having either of the two guys try to run it for her, too - talk to them, yes, but don't let them railroad her into something she's not on board with.

[cereta]

Yeah, she needs to be clear that the decision whether or not to have an abortion is entirely hers. However, if she is pondering adoption instead, she really needs to talk to them, because that's not entirely up to her, and she needs to know how things are going to fall while abortion is still an option. If that makes any sense.