(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m embarrassed by my girlfriend insisting on bringing my lunch to me at work. I know that she means well, but it’s really not necessary, and my co-workers tease me about it. Would it be rude if I asked her to stop? -- Embarrassing Girlfriend

DEAR EMBARRASSING GIRLFRIEND: While it is sweet for your girlfriend to bring your lunch to work every day, it also could be considered excessive. It is OK for you to ask her to hand you your lunch before you leave home in the morning. In that way, you can have it, but the handoff does not occur at your workplace. Be honest with her. Tell her that your co-workers are teasing you about it, which makes the gesture disruptive to your work environment. This may hurt her feelings, since obviously she is trying to make a big gesture to show her commitment to you.

Point out that while her deliveries are lovely for your relationship, she may also want to think about the relationship status of others at your job. For the single people or those who do not have partners who are able or willing to engage in this way, the gesture may make them uncomfortable. For you, it has added a layer of aggravation that is distracting you from your work.

Gently ask her to stop bringing your lunch to work. You will be happy to accept it at home if she still wants to create it. If she decides to stop making you lunch altogether, that’s a sign of a bigger issue. Perhaps she needs the attention at your job, or she feels the need to let people know you are hers. Either way, that level of possessiveness can lead to challenges over time.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/sense-and-sensitivity/2021/12/22

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Anytime someone who is not only not in a disprivileged group but in a position to benefit from that group's disprivilege dismisses prejudice against a member of that group I think it's worth double-checking.

That kind of language really shuts down discussion.

And accusing one's opponent of having no brain, not least if one's opponent is from one or more demographic groups often accused of diminished intelligence, is conducive to discussion?

If I were doing something that, despite my good intentions, was creating an embarrassing situation for my wife at work, I would want her to tell me!

Here is my point! You, and the LW, and Harriette, see the girlfriend as the one creating the embarassment because she's committing the terrible offense of .... trying to feed her boyfriend? Whereas the retrograde coworkers who are deliberately teasing the LW bear no culpability at all? I don't see how the girlfriend can possibly be held responsible unless her actions are devalued because she's female.

[shirou]

Accused of having no brain…? I am at such a loss. Do you really think I have resorted to ad hominems? If so, I apologize, but I’ll be honest: I don’t see it.

There is a causal relationship between LW’s gf bringing him lunch and his coworkers teasing him. There must be language that describes that relationship while also acknowledging that the coworkers, not the gf, are the bad actors here. I don’t know what looks like for you, but to me the letter provides a short and factual description of the situation. The request that the gf resolve the problem does not, in my mind, imply blame.

Admin

[cereta]

I think she was referring to your use of the term "no-brainer."

In any event, I'm going to ask, as a favor to an admin who is have a really, really bad day, that we snip this thread off here.

Re: Admin

[shirou]

I meant the decision to discontinue something creating an embarrassing situation for my wife would be a no-brainer. I was not accusing Minoanmiss or anyone else of being without a brain.

I’m happy to stop now but do want to clarify that I meant no insult and apologize for any unclear wording.