Miss Manners: who can throw a shower?

[cereta]

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece has asked me for ideas for a baby shower she wants to give for her expecting daughter. I don't know how to respond without hurting her feelings. How can I gently tell her it's not proper for a mother to give a shower for her own daughter?

GENTLE READER: When you find out, please tell Miss Manners. She has been pointing this out for years, and it doesn't seem to help.

Comments

[likeaduck]

In fairness, Miss Manners also disapproved of family members throwing each other birthday parties last I checked, and at this point is as much a humourist as an advisor. Humourous resignation to folks ignoring her advice that underlines the futility of resistance to shifting social conventions is about what I'd expect from her. (I've always had a soft spot and a fascination for the weirdo.)

[deird1]

She should try Australia. She'd be horrified: we throw birthday parties (and baby showers) for ourselves. (Our parties are never very present-heavy, and we tend to see the birthday-person as being obliged to shout* their friends a party to enjoy, to make up for all the parties we've been invited to.)


*Australianism: To buy a round (of beer, typically) for everyone present.

[fox]

I think she has no problem with family members throwing one another (or themselves) birthday parties, as long as people aren't being invited to spend money on the guest of honor. That is, if the party is everyone getting together to have dinner and cover the birthday person's bill, the host should not be the birthday person or a family member. (In fact if someone is the "host" that person should probably be buying everyone's dinner; otherwise they're just the "organizer.") Which is the same idea as the shower thing; MM believes it is wrong (well - tacky) to invite people to enrich your family.