I agree with you that the problem is not "Husband is neurodiverse" but I'd rephrase the actual problem as "LW has carer's burnout, she feels guilty about having carer's burnout and she can't see any way out of the situation."
And the issue is that all the answers including Prudie are focussing on the husband's situation (whether positively or negatively) and not looking at OP's situation. She has already said that she perceives the husband as not open to talking about how to fix things collectively: "It’s hard to talk to him about these things because then he feels ashamed." Now, it's entirely possible that her method of talking to him includes a lot of "How can you have forgotten to put the bins out again, why don't you use lists, it's just so easy to have a system" when he absolutely can't operate in that manner. But it's also possible that he's approaching every attempt by her to get round the problem with a blanket "I know that's not going to work" which, while it may well be an aspect of his condition, still means that the burden remains wholly on her, and she's just not up to it any more.
no subject
And the issue is that all the answers including Prudie are focussing on the husband's situation (whether positively or negatively) and not looking at OP's situation. She has already said that she perceives the husband as not open to talking about how to fix things collectively: "It’s hard to talk to him about these things because then he feels ashamed." Now, it's entirely possible that her method of talking to him includes a lot of "How can you have forgotten to put the bins out again, why don't you use lists, it's just so easy to have a system" when he absolutely can't operate in that manner. But it's also possible that he's approaching every attempt by her to get round the problem with a blanket "I know that's not going to work" which, while it may well be an aspect of his condition, still means that the burden remains wholly on her, and she's just not up to it any more.