cereta: Owl with roses (Masque owl)
Lucy ([personal profile] cereta) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2016-02-16 10:24 am
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Dear Abby: Mom and Dad going abroad

DEAR ABBY: My son is more than likely going to win a trip to the Dominican Republic through his employer. He's planning to take his wife with him. Their two children will stay with me or their other grandma.

With the way the world is now, I wouldn't go on a vacation with my husband, fly to another country and leave my children behind. I would let him go alone so that in case something happens, my kids would have at least one parent left.

I understand that we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take logical precautions. My children would be more important to me than a vacation. What is your opinion on this? -- LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD

DEAR LIVING: My opinion is that you should stay out of it, and let your son and daughter-in-law enjoy that hard-earned vacation. If they were visiting a country where the threat level was high, I might think differently. However, to repeat what you said in your letter, "we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do" because we are afraid of what "might" happen. That's not living; it is hiding.
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[personal profile] ambyr 2016-02-16 04:39 pm (UTC)(link)
I am right there with you.
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[personal profile] recessional 2016-02-16 04:54 pm (UTC)(link)
No, I'm there.
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[personal profile] xenacryst 2016-02-16 05:23 pm (UTC)(link)
*rereads, paying particular attention to pronouns this time*

Oh, hell yeah, that's a gendered subtext right out the wazoo. DiL's priorities clearly lie with being a good mother, staying home, holding the world together if anything starts falling apart, and forgoing her own well being to make sure the kids are safe.

OTOH, this also reads like a chronic worrier, who is going to find whatever they can to worry about, and if it comes with a side helping of judgmentalism, so much the better.
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[personal profile] azurelunatic 2016-02-16 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
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[personal profile] redbird 2016-02-16 05:19 pm (UTC)(link)
The other oddity here is that it says "let him go alone" but there's no reason to think that he wants to go alone, rather than wanting to vacation with his wife, giving them some time together without the children.

Abby barely touches on the point that "the way the world is now" is one where the letter writer is giving in to fear, and signing herself "living in the real world" but actually living in a television fantasy world of danger, though she notes that the DR isn't very dangerous.

If I thought that going on a vacation was likely to leave my spouse widowed, I wouldn't think "hey, come with me, so the kids can be orphans instead," I would stay home or look for a safer place to vacation. The LW's thinking implies that the parents should never get in a car together unless both children are with them.
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[personal profile] minoanmiss 2016-02-16 10:03 pm (UTC)(link)
In addition to the gendered nature of the criticism, I also find myself cynically wondering if a country in Europe would seem so dangerous to the LW.
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[personal profile] recessional 2016-02-16 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
At the moment possibly, but only because scary brown people are making it so.
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[personal profile] shreena 2016-02-22 01:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I had to read this a few times before I even understood what the letter writer was talking about. This is crazy! Does she think her son and DIL shouldn't ever get in a car together in case they get into an accident? They're not the royal family...